


I Will Not Fall

by neadevar



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aged up characters, Angst, Drunken sex, M/M, band au, ereri, hot hot tater tot drummer eren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-12
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-02-04 10:31:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 33,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1775884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neadevar/pseuds/neadevar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren is not without his own struggles, helping his sister to keep their band afloat and remembering to crush up her pills into her orange juice to make sure she takes them. Levi was supposed to be a one night stand. Eren wasn’t supposed to get attached. And now he’s taking on Levi’s burdens as well as his own and hoping that he won’t sink. And then things take a turn for the worst.<br/>Eren’s going to be a dad.<br/>(Originally posted as Capable, but I had to take it down for editing)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blame it on the alcohol

**-Eren-**

I lived for this. I lived for the sweltering lights bearing down on me, the cheers and the laughter and the dancing, I lived for the way the music seemed to possess your mind and make you lose control. I was infatuated with the way your heart seemed to thump in sync with the beat and how your mind could tune out any other turmoil that might be going on just so you could _listen._ It wasn’t just music; it was a way of life. It was the reason I put up with as much crap life throws at me. It was probably to the point it was unhealthy. To be this obsessed, to let music take control of your life this way, my dad would have had my head above the fireplace for this. He would have called me reckless.

Maybe that was my favorite part of being in the band. Maybe it was one big ‘fuck you’ to my dad even if we didn’t talk anymore. Maybe _that’s_ what made this whole thing great.

And now you sound like an idiot Eren. Stop thinking and let yourself go.

I pounded away on the drums blinking past the sweat that stung my eyes. It poured down my face leaving me sticky and slick and feeling disgusting. Okay, so I didn’t enjoy the sweating. I could live through that though. It was just one thing I had to deal with and when I focused hard enough on what I was doing I hardly felt it. I had shed my shirt a couple songs ago and it lay in a sweaty heap behind me which made it a little more bearable. But these god damn pants though….

Hopefully I have enough energy to take a shower after this. Too many times I had come home from a gig just to pass out on the couch. The smell of my body the next morning had me gagging and rushing to the bathroom for a scalding hot shower hoping I could at least _burn_ the stench off.

 _“Moaning my name won’t change a thing_ ,” Mikasa bellowed into the mike, her voice carrying across the room. In all honesty Mikasa was probably the only reason we were this well known in our town. Not because she was really good at getting us gigs and managing our money, but because her voice was just that powerful. It was deep and ‘sensual’ as Jean had described it once. She seemed to have the ability to grab a hold of your being and keep you there until she was done with you. Afterwards you could still feel its affects. That’s just how it was.

_“This isn’t love, I don’t want you.”_

Sweat poured down my back as we ended the song, the sense of loss already growing in my gut. We didn’t know when we’d get another gig; we just did shows when we got the chance. If I could I’d be on stage every other night preforming.

Exhaustion finally hit me when the adrenaline rush had worn off and the band was seating at the table with their drinks. I slumped against my best friend Armin, our keyboard player, and moaned softly. I could sleep here. I could just fall asleep against Armin and make Jean carry me out into the van.

His nose crinkled in a way that was far too adorable. “You smell gross.”

“Well you don’t smell like a bushel of roses either, man,” I retorted, feigning offense. That was a lie. Armin was sweaty yes, but he didn’t really smell. It was something I was jealous over, because right now my deodorant was fighting tooth and nail to keep my own man stink at bay.

Jean, our guitarist, rolled his eyes at us before giving his boyfriend Marco a small kiss on the cheek. Marco blushed and fiddled with the strings of his bass a little more before putting it back in the case. They were a newer couple, still in the stages of cupcakes and sweet talks. It would have been sickening if I hadn’t been a little jealous. I was still a little sour after a break up with my girlfriend a week ago. She just up and left me without giving me a reason and completely cut contact with me.

My sister nearly killed her for it.

“I just talked with the owner of the club,” Mikasa said walking over, she fixed her sweaty grey tank top before continuing, “Hanji wants us back not next week but the following one. I guess we made quite the impression on our audience and she feels like she’d get more customers if we played every other weekend.”

“Sounds great,” I said taking a swig of my beer. It was more bitter then the stuff I usually drank, and with a frown I realized that Jean must have gotten the drinks while I was in the rest room. Count on him to get me something bland.

Armin took it from my hand and took a dainty sip before his face screwed up in disgust. He turned the stink eye on Jean, “You got that shit again?”

Horse boy just shrugged, “It tastes good.”

Armin faked a gag and grabbed Mikasa’s fruity drink to wash down the taste. I just rolled my eyes at him.

“Stop stealing our drinks,” Mikasa scolded, taking her away possessively, “just go get your own.”

“No, the bartender likes to flirt with me.”

“The blonde one? He’s cute.” Marco said. “What’s so bad about him?” Jean didn’t even pretend to feel jealous over that, instead he nodded with agreement. Personally I wasn’t all too attracted to him. His eyebrow game was far too strong and I wasn’t into men who looked like they took steroids.

Armin muttered, “It’s not him that’s the problem, it’s his friend. The one with the scruff. He tried to grab my ass.”

I finished my drink, stood up, and stretched, “I’m going to go grab another beer, you want me to grab you something Armin?”

“Whatever Mikasa got, it tastes good.”

Jean coughed, “Gay.”

“Shut up.”

I was drunk within the next hour. Jean and I had our arms slung around Armin, laughing at the face he made when he tried Marco’s drink (Armin wasn’t really much for alcohol, he was pretty picky). I hadn’t felt this good in a while, this okay. No worries, no frustration, the bill for the rent seemed to disappear from my mind and I felt myself growing more and more relaxed. It wasn’t like being on stage, up in front of a crowd was exhilarating and wild and everything felt free. This just felt calm and languid.

And I blame it on the alcohol for finding the man in the crowd so attractive.

I’m not going to deny it, I’m as interested in men as I am woman, and there’s just something about the way a guy moans that gets to me. Right now there was nothing I wanted more than to hear him scream.

Sweaty black hair clung to his face and his grey eyes were half lidded and he sipped his drink gingerly. A band shirt with holes and cuts that almost that exposed nearly all of his torso clung to him like a second skin. Even from here I could see the faint outline of muscles in his arms and already my pants were feeling a little tight. And I’m not going to lie; the black skinny jeans he was wearing made his ass look insanely delicious.

He was short, almost everyone (including some of the woman, though I’d blame that on incredibly outrageous stilettos) towering over him. I wasn’t the only one interested. A few gangly men with leather jackets and ripped pants had been eyeing him like a piece of stake. He didn’t spare them a glance though, not even when one sat next to him. He had the guy nearly crying in pain with a kick to the groin after the man had tried to grab his junk. No one sat next to him after that. He seemed to prefer it that way.

I had been watching him for a while, drunk enough not to care that it might seem creepy and clear headed enough to notice the sly glances he shot my way every once in a while. He was currently dancing with a guy who had pretty much just dragged him out on the dance floor. I could tell he wasn’t having fun, and the way the man was bumping his hips against his ass made him grimace every single time. I just watched though, finding myself smiling at his obvious discomfort. His storm grey eyes locked on mine and he mouthed, “Help me.” I found myself standing up and telling the band I was going to dance. They didn’t even spare me a second glance before teasing Marco for spilling his beer over the front of his shirt.

Our eyes only left briefly when I was in front of them, taking the smaller man by the shoulder and pulling him away before looking at the obviously pissed off man, “Mind if I steal your partner?”

“Don’t even bother asking him, he was a horrible dancer,” his voice was deeper than I expected it to be, and it sent a thrill down my spine. I laughed at the offended look on the man’s face as he took me by the hand and pulled me farther onto the floor.

“You’ve danced right?” He asked me, raising a thin eyebrow.

“I wouldn’t have come to save you if I didn’t.”

He smirked, eyeing me with amusement. “Well then, do you dance well?”

I spun him around so his back was to me, yanking him closer to me by his hips and leaned down to whisper in his ear, “Why don’t you find out for yourself?” He laughed, a throaty and deep one that had me grinning in turn. We danced, swaying to the music, and grinding against each other in a way that probably could have us kicked out.

After a moment he chuckled, “You don’t disappoint.”

I laughed, running my hands up his sides as he swayed his hips seductively. He turned around then, grabbing the front of my shirt and standing on his tiptoes so he could talk in my ear, “You want to come to my place tonight?”

I normally wasn’t one to take anyone to bed, but the way his voice practically purred and how seductive he stared at me at that moment had me wanting to rip off my clothes then and there. I blame it on the alcohol. I’m never this way.

“Show me the way,” I told him.

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me through the crowd, shoving his way through and only smirking at the dirty looks he got.

“I’ll rent us a hotel room,” he told me as we got into his car, he started it up and immediately turned the heat on to warm up the chilly air, “As hot as you are I’ve woken up to one too many stalkers standing at the foot of my bed.”

I just laughed, putting my arms behind my head and thanking whatever god there was that I always kept a condom in my wallet. Mikasa was actually the one who put it there after a pregnancy scare with my ex. That was definitely something we didn’t want to happen again. Mikasa and I could barely afford our rent and to keep ourselves fed let alone another mouth.

Not to mention I’d be an awful dad.

“What’s your name?” I asked him.

“Levi,” he told me, “And I already know who you are, Eren. Your band’s not half bad. Who came up with the name Destroy All Titans?”

“Armin, our keyboardist, and I did.”

“It sounds okay.”

I grinned at him, my chest growing warm at the compliment. I had a feeling that was the best I could expect from him.

The man behind the desk of the hotel didn’t even bat an eyelash at us, just gave us the key after Levi paid and went back to whatever he was doing on his phone. As soon as we were in the hotel room I had Levi pressed against the door with my hands on his hips and my mouth on his neck. He let out a delicious whine – a sound that seemed far too high pitched for his voice – that made my heart jump.

“Shower, take a god damn shower,” he moaned, “I’m not having sex with someone who smells like they just got done running a marathon. Disgusting.”

I just chuckled, “Planning on it.”

“Fuck,” he swore when I bit down rather harshly at the juncture between his neck and shoulder, “I didn’t expect to bottom tonight.”

“I’d rather not have my first time taking it be with a stranger.”

He smirked at me lazily, “I’m not a stranger, you know my name.”

“Not happening.”

I left then, hurriedly taking my shower and scrubbing my skin hoping to get the smell off. I didn’t bother putting my clothes back on when I turned the water off, just dried off quickly and wrapped a towel around my waist. When I left the bathroom I found Levi leaning against the main door with a cigarette in hand. He put it out against the wall when he saw me, the smell of burnt wallpaper wafting past my nose. I didn’t think much of it though and just stared at him with a raised eyebrow.

“You smoke?”

He smirked as he tossed his leather jacket to the side, “Habit I picked up from my teenage years.”

I grabbed his shirt and pulled it off of him before attacking his chest. He hissed, threading his fingers through my hair and tightening them slightly when I nipped him a little too harshly. I knelt in front of him then; looking up at his face and watching him push back black strands from his forehead. Sultry eyes looked down at me expectantly.

“Are you going to stare at me all night or suck me off?”

I laughed and quickly undid his torn up skinny jeans, working them down his slim legs and finding myself more than pleased to see he wasn’t wearing any underwear. I only paused to pull off the towel around my waist before I grabbed him, making him hiss and scratch at the door behind him. I stroked him slowly.

“Do something,” Levi growled impatiently. And I took his dick down my throat. He wasn’t small; maybe a little longer than me and not as thick but still big enough to make me gag when he touched the back of my throat. I sucked him gently, taking as much of him into my mouth as I could.

He moaned loudly then, fingers going from the door to my hair to hold me down on him. I gagged a little thanking whatever god out there that when Jean and I were together I had gotten used to this kind of rough treatment. Levi started thrusting and let out a high pitched whine that made my heart jump in my chest. God, he sounds like an angel.

I twisted my tongue around the tip of him, looking up to see his mouth slightly agape and eyes closed. I reached down to cup myself and moaned around his dick as I rubbed myself.

“If you keep doing what you’re doing with your tongue, I’m going to come too soon,” He warned, panting.

I pulled away, looking up at him with a smile, “Then get on the bed and make yourself comfortable.”

I stood up then, watching him saunter over to the bed and jump on it. And god did he look amazing. His lean frame seemed even tinier against the black sheets and the way he spread his legs and rubbed himself make me ache. There was no way I was going to last long with him looking the way he does right now.

Levi leaned back and put his hands behind his head, “Well?”

I was over there in an instant.

“There’s a bottle of lube in the pocket of my jacket,” he told me, “I assume you brought a condom?”

“My sister won’t let me leave the house without one.”

He chuckled, “So you’re a whore then.”

I rolled my eyes, digging in the pocket of my jeans for my wallet and pulling out the small package, “No. I just had a pregnancy scare with my last girlfriend and I’m pretty sure it scared Mikasa more than it did me.”

“Mikasa?”

“My sister.”

“Ah.”

I grabbed the lube from his jacket pocket and climbed back on the bed, leaning over him. He grabbed me by my hair and pulled my lips to his kissing me hungrily. I let my tongue invade his mouth flicking over his lightly making him groan into my lips. God, that was hot.

He pulled away panting, “Fuck preparation, I need you now.”

I raised an eyebrow, “You sure? That might hurt.”

“I’ve taken cocks a lot bigger than yours without prep kid, I’ll be fine.”

I smirked, “So who’s the whore now?”

He smiled lazily, “I’m not even going to try to deny it. Nothing wrong with being a whore though.”

“I never said there was,” I told him, rolling the condom onto my dick. I didn’t bother thinking about what being a ‘whore’ might entail. Infections were the last thing on my mind.

“God, just hurry up.”

As confident as he sounded I still felt a little nervous entering him without preparation. Maybe it was because he looked so small and fragile, maybe it was because I wouldn’t doubt his ability to snap my neck and toss me out the window if I hurt him too much.

I dribbled some lube onto my hand and stroked myself hoping that maybe I was slick enough that he wouldn’t hurt. And when I pushed into him, despite him telling me not to bother with preparation, the pain on his face made me feel instantly guilty.

“Sorry,” I apologized, kissing his neck and running my hands over his sides trying to be at least a little comforting.

“It’s okay,” he panted, “My fault. It’s been a while since I’ve got laid. I just forgot how tight you can get after a while of no sex.”

“How long?”

“At least a year, long enough to know I don’t have any std’s,” he winced. “Fuck, that wasn’t hot. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I sucked at his collarbones making him groan.

After a moment he pushed himself against me moaning softly. I started thrusting slowly, watching his face for any sign of discomfort. All I saw was his face screwing up beautifully in pleasure. Sweaty strands of black hair clung to his forehead and cheeks and what little makeup was around his eyes smudged. And god did he look amazing like that. With every moan and sharp cry he made I found myself thrusting into him harder wanting to hear him sing.

“God, you look fucking perfect right now,” I moaned, biting into his collarbone.

 It didn’t take long for him to cum after that, a few quick strokes of his dick and he was spilling into my hand. And with the way he tightened around me I came right afterwards, yelling sharply and growing rigid. My fingers dug into his waist as I collected myself making him moan softly before I collapsed beside him.

He panted, face red and fingers shaking, “God, that was good.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Don’t get cocky brat, I said it was good not the best I’ve ever had.”

I just laughed, moving to get off the bed.

“Don’t you dare kid,” Levi warned shooting me a glare, “I’m not fond of sleeping alone after sex. Stay until the morning and I might give you my number.”

“Who’s to say I want your number,” I asked smirking, “Who’s the cocky one now.”

“Shut the fuck up and come back over here.”

I sighed, laying back down and wrapping my arms around his waist pulling him tightly against me, “Mikasa is going to be so pissed when I get home tomorrow.”

“Fuck Mikasa.”

 

 

 

When I woke up I was alone.

That wasn’t really a surprise. I had expected to wake up to an empty bed. What I hadn’t expected was the note Levi has left me.

 

_Had work, thanks for the lay._

_-Levi_

I just rolled my eyes and folded it up, sticking it in the pocket of my jeans when I finally got around to getting dressed. I looked at my phone, decided to just shoot Mikasa a text to ask her to pick me up instead of risking calling her only to have her bitch at me. Plus there’s a really good chance she has a hangover and she gets fucking scary when she does.

I pulled on my shirt, left the hotel, and waited for her out front.


	2. Idiot Might As Well Be My Middle Name

**-Eren-**

“Are you an idiot Eren?! Do you know how many diseases you could of got being this reckless? You never do this! Hell you waited like a two months before you even had sex with Annie because you wanted to make you actually loved her! Are you okay? Is there something going on that we need to talk about?”

I groaned, rubbing my head wishing Mikasa would just be quiet long enough so I could try to explain - Ha! Fat chance of that happening. Plus I had a head splitting hangover and every time she shouted I felt like my brain was going to implode. It felt like I had a family of angry porcupines running around inside my skull just shooting everything up with their quills. I swear to god I will never drink that much ever again.

Mikasa was right though, and that made me mad. I’ve never done something like this before. One night stands just weren’t my thing. When I was with Annie I waited for so long wanting to make sure what I felt for her was real enough before we even had sex. And when I was with Jean I was too nervous to do much of anything other than giving him a blowjob on occasion. I never had one night stands. Mikasa would say I was too sentimental for that. I would say I’m just not interested in a quick fuck. If I’m going to have sex with someone I want it to be because I know they’ll be there the next morning, and days beyond that.

Levi was hot though, and god did he sound like a dream when we were fucking last night.

Mikasa’s face was so red for a moment I was scared she might blow up. “And not to mention I worried fucking sick about you last night Eren! Do you know how much of a mess I was?! You weren’t home and the only thing Armin could tell me about where you went was that you ran off with some punk hottie in skinny jeans!”

“Mikasa, please,” I interjected before she could continue shouting at me, “I don’t know why I did it. I know it’s not like me and I know I should have called you but I was drunk and the thought didn’t even cross my mind. I won’t do it again. I don’t even know why I did it in the first place. I’m sorry.” At least that was mostly the truth. I wasn’t too sure that if the chance arose to get in bed with Levi again that I wouldn’t take it. I doubted I’d see him again though, so I wasn’t too worried.

Mikasa huffed, Asian eyes shooting me a quick glare before she nodded accepting my apology. We just drove home in silence after that, pulling up to our apartment building and making our way inside. That’s right. She didn’t even wait until we got home before she started screaming at me.

I was starving, having not eaten since yesterday’s lunch (a couple chips from Armin’s dish last night did not count as a meal). My stomach rumbled the minute we walked in the door and my sister sighed. Mikasa went straight to the kitchen to make lunch (it was already around two in the afternoon) not trusting me to even mess with the stove.

You accidentally set the kitchen on fire once and suddenly you’re not allowed within a ten feet radius….

“What do you want to eat?” my sister asked, peeking her head from around the corner.

“Whatever you’re having,” I told her, “I’m going to go lay down.”

“You feeling okay?” Was that concern I heard in her voice? Naw, she’s still angry.

“Just a tad sore.”

“Did you bottom?”

I choked on my spit, “No! But with the drumming and sex almost right afterwards my body is pretty pissed at me for all the exertion.” I fell onto the couch and moaned, throwing my hands over my head and closing my eyes. Maybe I need a nap.

“Makes sense. I’m making ramen by the way.”

I grinned then, “Sounds great.”

“Oh! Armin called! We’re going out to eat for Marco’s Birthday tonight.”

I mentally smacked myself. Oh god, I’m awful. I’m a horrid friend. Jean’s going to have my ass mounted on the wall later tonight. “I forgot it was his birthday today.”

“That’s okay, I won’t tell him. Just be extra nice to him tonight.”

“Are we getting him anything?” Coming in empty handed would fuck it up even more. We never really did big birthday presents as all of us were too broke to do it. Usually we just pitched in for the party, like bring the alcohol or the snacks and occasionally dildo party hats if I could sneak them into the basket while Mikasa and I were out shopping for it.

She checks the basket before we check out now.

“We’re bringing cake. We might find something small at the music store that he would like. I have to stop by there today anyways, Armin’s cable to his piano broke yesterday when we were putting it into the van. I told him I’d buy him a new one.”

“Sounds good.”

“Go lay down, you look like hell.”

Gee, thanks sis.

 

 

 

“And then this idiot decides we’re going to go dance right? So he pulls my drunken ass out of the seat almost falling over as he did so, and I swear to god the only reason we weren’t kicked out for causing commotion was because we looked so hilarious trying to dance.”

Marco blushed, punching Jean lightly on the arm, “He forgot to mention that he ended up in the bathroom puking because he was so drunk.”

“I wasn’t that drunk,” Jean argued, “it was the chicken sandwich we had earlier! I told you the meat was bad.”

“Mhm, sure,” Marco said rolling his eyes, “Then how come I wasn’t puking either? I had the same thing you did.”

“By the way Eren, where’d you go last night?” Jean asked me avoiding his boyfriends accusing eyes, and everyone turned toward me (everyone except Mikasa who just took a sip of her drink), “Your sister was flipping shit because she couldn’t find you. You’re lucky Armin managed to calm her down enough to tell her that you left with some guy and to stop trying to dial 911.”

I raised an eyebrow at that, “Was she really that drunk?” Mikasa hardly ever lost her cool; sometimes she was so calm it was almost scary. I’m almost sorry I missed it.

“Like you wouldn’t believe! I’ve never seen her that wasted. Armin had to call a cab for her as he was the only one sober enough to actually dial the number.”

Armin blushed lightly, “Well someone has to be clear headed enough to look after you idiots.”

I ruffled my best friend’s hair, “Thanks for getting my sister home.”

He beamed at the attention, “You’re welcome!”

“Now that you’ve managed to distract us,” Jean said pointing an accusing finger at me, “Tell us what happened last night.”

I shrugged, “Like Armin said last night I went home with some guy.”

Marco’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “Are you okay? You never do that.”

“It was the alcohol,” I told him, “I never would have done it if I wasn’t so drunk.”

“Was it fun? Was he hot?” Jean asked.

 _God, he was fucking gorgeous,_ “He was okay, the sex was great though.”

“Oh,” Armin blushed putting his hands over his face, “stop right there, no one wants to hear about it.”

“We do!” Jean said motioning between Marco and him, “We’re excited about this. Eren’s growing up!”

“Shut up Jean,” Marco said putting a hand over his mouth, “Armin is still innocent and I don’t want to be one of the ones at fault for corrupting him.”

“I’m not innocent,” Armin muttered weakly.

I grinned. Yeah, totally not innocent. The kid didn’t even know how gay sex worked despite being gay himself, and Jean took it upon himself to explain in _excruciating_ detail how to do it. Armin hasn’t been the same since. Nor can he eat cucumbers anymore.

“Anyways,” Mikasa cut in, “Happy birthday, Marco. Hope you like your cake”

“What flavor is it?” he asked, suddenly interested.

“Marble. We weren’t sure whether you wanted chocolate or vanilla so we did both. We’d have asked Jean, but he’d give us the flavor he would want.”

“You make me out to be so selfish,” Jean pouted.

“Marble cake is great!” Marco assured grinning.

“Happy birthday,” Armin said grinning, and everyone else chimed in.

We exchanged presents then, Mikasa tossing in the rainbow guitar chip we found earlier at a music store. We didn’t have a whole lot of money to spend as whatever we made from gigs usually went into repairs for our instruments and what money Mikasa and I made from our jobs mostly went into keeping a roof over our head and our mouths fed. Armin had gotten him the newest The Legend of Zelda game knowing how much of a Link fan Marco was.

“What did you get your boyfriend, Jean?” Armin asked.

Armin no, you don’t want to know.

“His present has to wait until we’re alone,” Jean said smirking. Marco and Armin both turned red at that and Marco elbowed his boyfriend in the ribs. I smacked my forehead. Mikasa groaned.  We _really_ didn’t need to hear about that.

“So tell us about this hottie you slept with last night,” Jean said, “We don’t need to hear about the sex you had as I’m sure Armin will have a heart attack if you try, but what was he like?”

“He smoked,” I said shrugging, “So that was hot. Also he liked our band… I think. He hinted at it. He was insanely short too, like maybe a little taller than Annie was but not by much. And god did his ass look good in the skinny jeans he was wearing.”

“Who bottomed?”

I choked on my drink and Armin winced patting my back, “Oh, um, he did.”

And thank god I wasn’t so drunk that I couldn’t remember the faces he made.

“Did he leave a number?” Marco asked.

I shook my head, “No, that’s okay though. It was nice to have something with no strings attached.”

I kind of wish he did leave his number. I didn’t say that that though. His face kept making appearances in my mind no matter what I thought of and it was frustrating how I couldn’t get him out of my head. Maybe it’s because I’ve never had a one night stand before. Mikasa always said I got too attached too easily. Maybe that’s what’s going on now.

“Hm,” Armin mused. “Maybe you’ll see him at the next gig.”

“Maybe.” Doubted, but a guy can dream.


	3. Shitty Brat

**-Levi-**

He was just a kid. I shouldn’t be getting worked up over a kid.

_Just leave a number for the brat._

He might not even bother to call if I did. I looked at the clock and grimaced. I’m already going to be late for work because of this shit. This is stupid, I’m being stupid.

_So just scrawl him a short message and get the fuck going._

I set the note down, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it hoping to calm down my thumping heart and nerves. God, you had this under control so well. Why are you letting it get the best of you now?

I sighed. I had sex with a fucking kid. He was drunk last night, so I had to assume he was over twenty-one (Maria Bar had a no tolerance policy for underage drinking), but not much by much from the looks of it. And I’m what, almost twenty-six? Two more months. God, life couldn’t get any more slow.

_I just want to die already._

Pathetic. I was being pathetic. I took a drag from my cig as I stared at him.

He was beautiful in the most simplest way. Most gorgeous people have something unique about them, a birthmark or their hair or the way they talk about the most mundane things. For most people it was their eyes, whether they’re big or bright or had heavy lashes and it was boring. For Eren it was his eyes. They were stunning, brilliant and bright and the most amazing shade of blue green I’ve ever seen in my life. His eyes weren’t boring.

The way they looked at me last night was something that I would definitely never forget. He had abandoned all inhibitions the moment he walked through the door and you could see it all in his eyes. I rarely bottomed for anyone, but with him looking at me like they did I couldn’t help but want it. He was an open book, I could read him almost too easily.

It was stupid. I was being stupid again.

I swore then, getting up and working my jeans back on my legs. I didn’t bother with my shirt, just pulled my jacket on and shoved the desiccated cloth into my pocket, letting most of it hang out. I wouldn’t be wearing it for long anyways. I’m going right back to the bar I left last night.

The roads were mostly quiet; this area in town was never really busy. I usually hated going here when sleeping with people. I liked the thought that if I fucked someone in some dangerous part of town maybe I wouldn’t wake up the next morning. Maybe I’d end up shot going back to my car. The idea was getting more and more enticing by the day.

He was just a kid though, and I was just some sick fuck who didn’t want to bother with another day. I didn’t want to scare him too much with the sound of gang fights at three in the morning either. He didn’t need that. He was young and didn’t need to see how much the world was broken.

I pulled up to the bar taking the back door and shrugging my jacket off. The cool air bit at my chest when I opened the door sending a shiver down my spine. Hanji messed with the temperature again. God, normal people don’t like their places to feel like a freezer. She was always hot it seemed, she fucking walked around shirtless back in the employee area all the time.

She was the owner though, so most people didn’t complain. I did. Shitty glasses.

“Erwin!” I called out for my manager, “I’m here!” And late, but that’s beside the point. Now, where’s the fucking thermostat.

“Finally,” he said rounding the corner, “I was starting to get worried about you.”

_Of course you were, shit for brains._

I pulled out my work shirt from the employee closet, “I didn’t mean to sleep so late.”

“He was good in bed then?”

“He was decent enough.”

He chuckled and leaned against the wall giving me a look, “With the marks on your neck and chest I’d say he was pretty good. You never let people mark you, at least not that much.” Erwin knew me far too well.

My hand flew up to my neck and I rubbed it grimacing, “He liked to bite.”

“And that’s bad because…?”

“I never said it was bad,” I told him brushing past him and heading towards the bar past the dance floor, “I’m just saying the kid’s a biter.”

“Did you leave your number?”

I snorted, “Of course not. I was looking for a quick lay not a lover.” And even if had he hinted at wanting it I still couldn’t bring myself to do it. Coward.

“I saw the way you were looking at him when he was on stage,” Erwin said smirking at me.

“Oh? How exactly was I looking at him?” Fuck, caught.

“Dreamy, his music is right down your ally. You should have left your number.”

I laughed, “Dreamy, right. He’s just some shitty brat I decided to entertain for the night.” Fuck me.

“It’s true.”

“And I’m not a whore.”

He grimaced then, “You know I don’t like you calling yourself that.”

I rolled my eyes, “Is Petra here yet? She has my wallet.”

“… Why does she have your wallet?”

“Because my pants were too tight to keep it in my pockets and I forgot to get it from her before I left last night.” Logical reason. A change in pants was out of the question, the ones I wore last night made my ass look good.

He just shook his head and smiled, “No not yet, Auruo apparently kept her up all night worrying about her because she tripped and hit her stomach last night.”

“Is the baby okay?”

“Baby Levi is completely fine.”

I clapped my hands together, “Great. I don’t want my godchild killed because of Petra’s clumsiness.”

After 4 miscarriages and a still birth in the past five years Petra finally carried a baby into the third trimester. She’s due in a month and swelled up like a beach ball. Not to mention she’s fucking adorable pregnant. She waddles around like a fucking retarded penguin and it’s the best thing I’ve ever had the pleasure to witness.

I walked up to my bar, look one look at the counter and floor, and groaned, “Jesus, I’m not here to clean the bar for one night and it all goes to hell.”

“Mike was in charge of your shift last night when you decided to end yours early,” Erwin apologized, “He couldn’t keep his hands off the blondie in the band yesterday either so I had to keep watch, said he smelled good or something. I talked to Hanji about it last night so she can talk to him. There was puke in the bathrooms too and he refused to clean it up so yours truly had to take care of it.”

“Go get the cleaning supplies.”

“Wait, then what are you going to do?”

“Cry because the one bar in the club that I run has been left mutilated.”

 

 

Who the hell gets drunk at one in the afternoon? I watched as Erwin escorted the man out to his taxi, helping to keep him upright as he kept tripping over his own feet. Pathetic.  

“That band that Hanji hired yesterday is playing again next week. You should give the drummer your number.”

“Petra, no.”

“He was cute, you were eyeballing him the whole time, Levi. Don’t give me that look I’m not after him.” She pointed a finger at me, keeping one hand rested on her bloated stomach.

“I’m not glaring at you because of that, I’m glaring because you have ketchup on the side of your face.” Gross.

She blushed, taking the napkin and dapping at her face, “Sorry. McDonald’s put too much ketchup on my burger again.”

“You shouldn’t be eating fast food,” I pointed out.

She rolled her eyes, “Every once in a while is fine. Mind making me a pina colada? No alcohol of course.”

I nodded, moving from my spot behind the bar to get it ready.

“Where’s the daddy?” I asked placing her drink on the table. She sipped on it gingerly.

“At home sleeping. He was fussing all night long over me and didn’t get much sleep. I called his work to tell them he’s sick and left the house before he could wake up and worry over the baby more.”

“It was just a small bump to the stomach.”

She grimaced, “Well it left a bruise.” She lifted up her shirt so I could see the blue splotch on her pale skin.

I gave her a look, “Did you go get your baby checked?”

“God, you’re like Auruo!” she exclaimed throwing her hands up, “Yes I did. He dragged me to the doctors by my ear to make sure our baby was okay.”

“I don’t blame him,” I told her, “I would have too.”

“The baby’s fine.”

“The other’s weren’t-,” I stopped, grimacing and wishing I would have just kept quiet. Good going Levi, always the empathetic. I ran a hand through my hair sighed.

Her face fell, “Yeah. I knew when they weren’t okay though. Baby Levi is good though. I can feel it. This baby is going to come out healthy and strong.”

“Of course he is,” I muttered still feeling guilty, “he’s my godchild. He has my blood in his veins.” Let’s just hope he makes it past five foot two in his adult years.

She giggled, “Thank you for that, by the way.”

I rolled my eyes, “You’ve said that a thousand times.” And honey if you keep it up I’ll stop buying you lunch.

“And I can never say it enough. I can’t tell you how heartbroken Auruo was when he found out his biology was the reason my babies kept dying. You really helped us, a lot.”

“Yeah well, take care of the infant, Petra.” This one is mine, even if I’m not taking the role of the father. I don’t want to see this one die like the others did.

Auruo’s baby makers weren’t working right, which was something I suspected after the first miscarriage and the still birth that happened after she had gotten pregnant again. I didn’t bring it up with Petra though because I knew how much she wanted his kid. After a while they finally went to the doctors to figure out what was going on and when they found out they couldn’t have a baby Petra came crying to me. Auruo has suggested artificial semination but Petra was dead against it. She wasn’t going to have a child without knowing who the father would be. I suggested adoption, but she wanted to have the full pregnancy experience.

I’ll admit, I’m cold and a bit stand offish, but I’m not heartless. So yours truly became the baby daddy. Now Petra has a baby boy she’s naming after me and Auruo is less upset over his dead sperm.

I yawned and stretched, “You’re getting close to the due date. You shouldn’t even be coming to work.”

She rolled her eyes, “I don’t have to go to the hospital for another three weeks. I’m fine.”

I gave her a look.

“Don’t look at me like that! I can still work!”

“You can’t even pick stuff off of the ground.”

“I can too!”

I knocked my cup over and shot her a daring look.

She grimaced, leaning over the side of her chair to grab at it. With her stomach in the way she only managed to brush her fingers against the cup.

“I’ve made my point,” I told her stretching, “Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to take my break.

 


	4. On My Mind

**-Eren-**

The week had gone by rather quickly. Tomorrow was our next gig. As hard as I tried to focus on practicing with the band I couldn’t get my mind off of Levi. It wasn’t even his sexed up face that showed up, it was the way he looked when he was dancing. It was how his eyebrows furrowed when I caught him smoking like I walked in on something he would have rather me not see. It was how content and relaxed he looked after we had sex and how his lips turned up into a small smile while he slept. It was driving me crazy. I wanted to see him again so much it was started to affect whatever I did.

And then there was the fact that he might not even be at the club tomorrow. I might not ever actually see him again. I hated that a one night stand had left this impression on me. I hated how easily I get attached. I hated that I had to get attached to _him._

We ended practice early, as Armin had to go to his granddad’s for dinner and Jean and Marco had a date planned. Mikasa and I drove home, the radio up loud and me and her both singing along to whoever happened to come on. Or at least I tried to sing. I’ve always found my voice horrible despite numerous protests from Mikasa. She was family though, she was supposed to lie to me.  It didn’t stop me and I found myself making my voice crack just to hear my sister laugh.

“Eren,” Mikasa asked, “Do you think dad will ever come back?”

I stiffened, looking at her shocked. Why did she choose to bring him up, of all things? I was mad, I could feel it already. I hated that asshole; I hated him for leaving us. I hated him for the way he refused to look at me when I told him I didn’t want to be a doctor. God, I _hated him._

My face softened when I saw her miserable expression.

Dad left when Mikasa and I were fifteen, he just packed up his bags and ran out. We didn’t know what to think or what to do and for the longest time we didn’t even talk about it. Mom would say he was on a very important medical trip but we knew better. We saw her crying when she thought we were asleep. We heard her scream and wail when she thought we were still at school. Dad left and mom broke apart. She did her best not to let us know how much she was suffering. She tried to pretend that we weren’t running low on money, that she hadn’t lost her job. She tried to pretend that she didn’t get tears in her eyes whenever we asked when he was coming back.

Even when mom was killed he didn’t show up.

We had an agreement, we didn’t talk about dad. He abandoned us and even when we needed him most, even when we were being passed around from family member to family member he never showed up. We’d rather not remember him. He was gone. He didn’t matter.

The look on my sister’s face told me she’d been thinking about this for a while, and it hurt. One minute we were laughing and having fun and the next my sister hit one of her lows and she looked so miserable it physically hurt to see. It made my stomach roll and twist up with grief because if she was sad then I was sad because that’s just how we worked. I scratched the back of my neck.

“No,” I answered gently, “I don’t think he will.”

“But we’ve come so far,” Mikasa argued softly. She knew I was right. “He has to want to see us again. He raised us; he took me in when he found my parents dead. He has to at least be _wondering_ about us.” I was once again reminded how much this had affected her too. She only knew him for seven years and that was enough for her to grow attached.

“If dad wouldn’t come back for mom’s funeral, I doubt he will now.” It hurt to say.

There was a pause, and for a moment I thought she wouldn’t even talk again.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

I bit my lip, “Mikasa?”

“Hm?”

“Have you been taking your pills?”

“I’ve been doing really well lately, the mood swings weren’t so bad and I thought I’d be fine without them.”

 _It doesn’t work that way Mikasa, not for bipolar disorder,_ “Promise me you’ll take one as soon as we get home.”

“I’m okay, Eren.”

“No, you’re not.”

When you see your parents murdered in front of you, when you almost get kidnapped and sold as a sex slave, it gets to you. Mikasa’s better, she doesn’t need therapy anymore and doesn’t get triggered as often. She doesn’t start crying when someone that isn’t me hugs her anymore. She doesn’t dress as heavily as she used to. She still keeps the scarf I gave her when she came to live with us, I think it gives her some sort of comfort and I’m kind of glad she’s still attached to it. She still needs to take medication though. She will for the rest of her life. I know she hates it, she hates relying on them to make her feel normal. 

“I love you sis.”

“I love you too Eren.”

 

 

“And I can’t fucking beat him guys, its tearing me apart,” Jean groaned, slumping against his guitar.

“Stop complaining about your stupid game and get ready,” Mikasa scolded as she set up her mic. 

“Hey, whoa! Final Fantasy is not stupid!”

Marco ruffled his hair, “You can complain all you want when we’re done with the gig.”

I rolled my eyes at them, setting up my drums and tapping a stick on each of them to make sure they didn’t end up damaged. Armin had almost ran a stop sign and into a semi-truck on the way (courtesy to Jean’s idiocy) so our instruments got knocked around a bit. Satisfied that they had managed to survive I moved over to help Armin plug in his keyboard. He was still shaking from the almost wreck we had and couldn’t quite get the cord to fit in the hole. I ruffled his hair and smiled at him, hoping he would calm down. He gave me a shaky smile.

“Think you’ll see him tonight?” Marco asked. Him and Jean hadn’t stopped bothering me about Levi since I told them about him.

“It wouldn’t matter if I did,” I lied, shrugging. I looked over at Mikasa, keeping an eye on her as she set up her mic.

But as we preformed later that night I couldn’t help but look through the crowd for him. It took a while, maybe a couple songs, before I spotted him behind the bar handing out drinks and taking tips. I felt a small smile stretch my lips when I noticed him look our way, his eyes focusing on me before he turned his attention to one of the men leaning against the counter.

So he works here…?

We played a few more songs before we ended, letting the next band that the owner had hired to take over while we sat down at a booth. Everyone else drank, me and Armin being the only ones who didn’t get wasted like they did. Drunk? Maybe a little. I mean, I made it to the bathroom to piss without tripping over my own feet so I don’t think I was so bad. When Jean and Marco went out to dance, and some guy grabbed Mikasa with a laugh and a smile onto the dance floor, it was just Armin and I.

“So my grandpa’s back in the hospital,” he said frowned as he sipped his drink, “And I’m trying to get him to take care of himself. But with grandma being dead and all no one’s really around to remind him to take his pills and watch his diet. I’ve been thinking of living at his house actually, or bringing him to my apartment. You know just so I can keep an eye on him.”

I nodded; frowning and feeling myself grow worried about the old man too.

When Mikasa and I were left orphaned, he actually took us in when our relatives decided we were too much of a handful. We were there when Armin’s grandma died, and when his grandpa got cancer. He was practically our family too.

“I’m sure he’ll be okay Armin,” I told him, not really sure if I was trying to convince him or myself.

“I don’t know,” he said dragging his hands down his face, “I don’t even think I’d be able to take care of him. Maybe I need to find an old folks home, one that I can afford.”

“Hey,” I ruffled his hair, “Don’t worry about it right now. We came here to have fun so that’s what we’re going to be doing!”

He smiled sadly, “Yeah, you’re right. Hey, I left my phone in the van. You want to come with me to grab it?”

I nodded and stood up, walking with him out of the club and to our van. I leaned against it, running a hand through my sweaty hair as I waiting for Armin to find his phone.

“It’s in here somewhere,” I heard him mumble to himself. He popped his head out from the side of the van, “I think I drank too much to drive tonight by the way. So we’re going to need to either call a cab or hope that Mikasa didn’t decide to start drinking now.”

I nodded, “Mikasa hasn’t been taking her pills lately, so she’s probably going to start drinking here soon once the number of people in the club gets to her.”

I heard Armin stop shuffling around the van, “What do you mean she stopped taking her pills?”

“She just… stopped. I’ve been giving her crap trying to get her to start taking them but she doesn’t think she needs it. She seems to have conveniently forgotten that bipolar disorder doesn’t just go away, and with how bad it is with her she’s going to _have_ to be on medication.”

“Eren, you need to get her to take it.”

“I’m going to start crushing it up and putting it in her juice in the mornings when I make breakfast.”

Armin sighed in relief, “That’s good, okay. She already worries about you enough without her medication, when she stops taking it she’ll get more protective then she needs. She’ll worry herself into a coma.”

“I know,” I nodded.

Armin shouted out in happiness, “I found it! We can go back inside now.”

“Hey look! It’s those faggots in the band!”

Armin and I both froze, him halfway out of the va.

You’ve got to be shitting me. We haven’t had to deal with that kind of insult since high school. The word annoyed me. I witnessed how much it affected Armin when someone outed him as gay, I saw it spray painted on Jean and Marco’s Locker. It was disgusting, and it pissed me off.

We both turned towards the voices looking at each other wearily.

“Do you think we have enough time to run?” Armin asked nervously.

“Armin, why don’t you go get my sister.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“You can’t fight man, these guys will pulverize you, please go get my sister so she can scare them off.” Mikasa, now would be the perfect time to show up.

“What do you mean I can’t fight?!”

_Too late to run now._

They were drunk, that much was obvious by the way the five of them stumbled towards us scowling. One pulled out a switch blade, another cracked his knuckles. The only thing I could focus on was protecting Armin, who currently had his fists up in an awkward position and was gnawing his lip nervously.

“You’re the asshole my girlfriend was gawking at,” a man sneered, grabbing me by the bare shoulder tightly.

Really? That’s what they’re pissed off about? Jesus Christ, give me a break.

I didn’t dare say that to his face. The look in his eyes told me he would take down a bull elephant if it were standing in my way. That alone was terrifying. He slammed me against the van so hard my head bounced off it. I winced, my vision swimming for a bit before it came back into focus.

“You know what I heard her tell her friend,” he spat, “she said she wanted to fuck you. What the hell gives you the right?”

“Wait,” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, “You’re blaming me for you girlfriend being okay with cheating on you?”

Armin cut in as the guys face turned red with anger over that, “Listen sir, he’s not interested in your girlfriend. She’s all yours okay? Eren doesn’t want her.”

He turned on Armin, “And you! I heard from your friend that you’re a faggot.”

My best friend paled at that and started ringing his hands nervously, “Um, I-.”

“You know what we do to faggots, kid?” another guy asked, grinning madly.

“Look,” Armin said trying to reason, “You’re drunk, we’re drunk, why don’t we just go home and pray we don’t have a hangover in the morning instead of go at each other’s throats?”

“Yeah right kid.”

The first punch was aimed for Armin, and I saw red.


	5. The Art Of Scaring Assholes

**-Levi-**

“Disgusting,” I mumbled, fixing the cloth around my face, “How hard is it to hold in puke before you get to the toilet. Gross.”

“Suck it up, Levi,” Hanji told me grinning as she watched me work. She swung her legs around from her perch on the bathroom sink and watched me happily. I scrubbed at the tile furiously. The vomit was gone now, but you couldn’t be too careful. I prided myself in the cleanliness of Hanji’s stupid club.

“You could get your ass down here and help me,” I muttered. I scrubbed between the tiles with a grunt.

“ _Or_ I could supervise. That’s what I do best!”

_Hanji, Hanji, Hanji…._

I groaned under my breath and stood up, stretching out my stiff body and wincing at the ache in the base of my back. Being in the same position for so long had my body hurting and all the cleaning chemicals were beginning to give me a headache.

If people could hold their god damn alcohol this wouldn’t have happened.

“Levi,” Mike called out from the door. “There’s a fight out in the parking lot, that’s your job.”

_Everything is my fucking job around here._

Hanji sighed, “Alright Levi, go see what you can do. You’re the only one who can actually break up the fights without getting hurt too bad. Mike, you’re cleaning the bathroom.”

“It smells.”

Hanji grinned and pointed at the floor, “Go at it, Mikey boy.”

His nose scrunched up in disgust and I felt a grimace tug at my lips. I grabbed him by the shoulder on my way out, “If this bathroom is anything less than perfect when I’m done with the fucktards outside I’ll have your ass mounted above my fireplace, got it?”

He just rolled his eyes at me making my eyebrow twitch in annoyance. God, I can’t wait to go home. I pulled off my cleaning gloves and untied the cloth from around my face, tossing them into the garbage with a groan. I didn’t go out to the parking lot just yet; instead I went to the employee room and dug around in my locker for some pain killers. I popped a couple in my mouth and swallowed them dry. Headaches were a common thing, I was told from plenty of doctors they were caused from stress and whatever illness they pegged me with at the time. I was always stressed though. OCD too, from what my last doctor said. I didn’t think so. I just like things to be clean and orderly. I stopped trying to figure out what was wrong with me after that.

I walked to the parking lot, following the sounds of groans and shouts and dull thuds. This happened often, and I was the only one who actually broke up the fights. Hanji just annoyed them until they attacked her, Mike just barely started working here, Petra is almost nine months pregnant, and Erwin hardly ever has the night shift. I’m the only one who really _can_ do it.

“Armin, get in the damn car!” Oh you’ve got to be kidding me. Not this brat again.

“I’m not leaving you out here alone with these-,” a pained groan followed the dull thud.

He was already infiltrating my dreams, and now he’s worming his way into my work. Seeing him play on the stage was enough to make me a sweaty mess of sexual tension. I was hoping he’d of left sooner so I couldn’t talk myself into following after him.

I walked up to the brawling group trying to keep a level head, even as I noticed Eren’s bottom lip bleeding and his right arm dangling limply. That pissed me off. I don’t know why, god I don’t even _want_ to know why. I clenched my fists in annoyance.

His blonde friend wasn’t much better off. His eye was swollen shut and he was bleeding from the top of his head and from the corner of his mouth. The only reason I didn’t go charging in there to protect the brats is when I realized the men surrounding them weren’t in much better shape. That made me feel a little better, and I couldn’t suppress a grin when Eren landed a punch in someone’s stomach sending them to their knees gasping for breath.

Eren dodged a punch and kicked at someone’s feet, sending them sprawling across the ground with a laugh. The brat was enjoying this. And that’s when I saw the flash of a pocket knife and I felt panic grip my heart. You have to be kidding me. Those guys planned on killing these two.

“Oi!” I shouted, crossing my arms and cocking my hip, “The police are on their way, I suggest you get out of here if you don’t want to get caught.”

That sent the men scrambling towards their vehicles shouting and cussing. I narrowed my eyes at the two boys, and Eren’s face lit up when he recognized me. Armin just took a step back and pressed a hand to his forehead wincing.

“Hey Le-,” Eren didn’t get to finish before a sharp voice cut him off.

“Eren! Armin!” a voice shrieked.

I looked back to see that Japanese girl, the lead singer of Eren’s band, running towards us with a face so worried it looked like she was about to have a mental breakdown. I grimaced, stepping out of her path and watching her run to the two boys, patting their faces and checking them over.

She turned to me with a murderous look, “Did you do this to them?!”

I just raised an eyebrow at her.

“Calm down,” Eren said grabbing her upper arm to keep her from charging at me. “Levi scared the guys fighting us off.”

Her eyes narrowed at the mention of my name and I smirked, waving. So, Eren told her about me. I should have been pissed at that, I should have left then. I didn’t like people talking about me. Most of the time it was usually bullshit they made up to fuck with my social life. People hated me, I knew that. It just took me a couple years to realize I was better off without people, besides the few that managed to keep clinging to me.

I didn’t leave though. I stayed and watched the three of them feeling almost happy that Eren had actually remembered me despite him being so drunk the night we did it.

She turned back to the brat then, running her hands over his face and fretting over him, and after putting his shoulder back in place making him shriek rather loudly she turned to Armin to check him over.

“God,” she groaned, “I leave you two alone for like what, ten minutes? And you get yourselves beat up. Its high school all over again. I would have thought you’d have learned.”

“The other guys didn’t any better than us,” Eren muttered wiping at the corner of his bloody lip.

She glared at him, “Did you open your freaking mouth again Eren? What did you say to them to piss them off?”

He scowled, “I didn’t do nothing.”

“I doubt that, you’re too hotheaded _not_ to do nothing.”

“He’s right Mikasa, they started it,” the blonde said quietly.

_So that’s Mikasa…._

I ignored the racial differences between the siblings for the moment, not really too interested in knowing how that might have happened. I leaned against the vehicle behind me and watched them with interest.

“What did they say?” she asked.

“Um-.”

“They called us faggots,” Eren interrupted, and I felt myself flinch at that. I grew up with that word, heard it constantly from my dad and from the kids in school. I knew what kind of damage it could cause.

I thought Mikasa was going to go into another rage, but instead she calmed herself down enough to speak clearly, “Alright, we’re going home.”

“All three of us have been drinking, who’s going to drive?”

“I’ll call a cab.”

I chuckled, like hell they are, and they turned to me, “Just follow me to my car. I’ll drive you idiots home.” I was supposed to get off work half an hour ago anyways.

Eren’s sister glared at me at the insult, but followed me anyways when I turned to head towards my car. Her eyes didn’t leave me, watching me closely like _I_ was the one who beat up Eren and Armin. Eren just followed along like a puppy. I could feel his eyes practically taking my ass. Armin stuck close to Mikasa, hunched over and wincing whenever he stepped with his right leg.

“Thank you for scaring those guys off,” Armin eventually said.

“We could have taken them!” Eren shouted, throwing his hands up, “I was just barely started.”

“Eren, stop shouting,” his sister scolded. I smirked at that.

“Hey Eren?” the blonde asked, “I’m just going to crash at your place tonight okay?”

“Hm? Yeah that’s fine.”

Eren took the front seat, much to Mikasa’s displeasure. She made sure to make it obvious that she didn’t like me all too much by glaring holes into the back of my seat as I drove them. Eren gave me instructions to their apartment, giving me that stupid grin of his. I wish I could have said he pissed me off. I wish I could have said having his fucking pretty ocean colored eyes on me almost constantly annoyed me. The truth was I enjoyed his presence more then I should have. I tightened my grip on the steering wheel and let out a small sigh. Maybe this was a stupid idea. I should have left them to grab a cab.

I turned on my radio to hopefully clear my thoughts, In This Moment blasting through the speakers making blondie in the back jump in surprise. I felt myself smirk at that but turned down the volume anyways. In the corner of my eye I saw Eren tapping his fingers on his leg to the beat perfectly.

“You’ve heard them,” I stated.

“I used to listen to them a lot,” he told me shrugging, “Went to their concert a couple years ago.”

“He also left me to take care of Armin so he could chase after the lead singer like a love sick puppy,” Mikasa muttered. Armin put his hands over his face in embarrassment.

Eren didn’t look the least phased, “You told me yourself you’d go lesbian for her, so shut it.”

It was silent after that, save for the music and Mikasa’s occasional annoyed muttering in the back. I looked in the rearview mirror at one point to see Armin half asleep in her lap, her fingers running through his hair as she leaned back.

“Don’t let him pass out,” I told her, “I need to make sure he doesn’t have a concussion.”

“I know that. I didn’t train to be a nurse for nothing.”

Eren eventually spoke up, “Sorry about the fight.”

“You should be. You got your ass kicked.” Even now he’s worrying me with the way his lip is swelling.

He winced looking ashamed, “I tend to not think things through.”

I rolled my eyes, “Don’t worry about it too much. I would have done the same thing if they were talking to me. I just would have gone through it a little more carefully.”

“What exactly did I do that wasn’t careful?”

“For one, you weren’t armed and they were. Don’t look at me like that I saw the one guy holding a pocket knife. He didn’t get you did he?”

“He kind of cut my chest a little bit, but it’s not too horrible.”

I swore, shaking my head.

I pulled up to their apartment and watched as Mikasa helped a still half asleep Armin out of the car. Eren stayed behind rubbing at the back of his neck.

“I really am sorry.”

“Forget it, do you have a first aid kit?”

“Yeah?”

“Take care of yourself them kid.”

“I’ll be fine, Mikasa trained to be a nurse for a couple years after high school before she joined the band.”

I snorted, “Your sister is drunk.”

“She’s probably getting Armin ready to go to the hospital as we’re talking,” he told me, “So I’ll be there in an hour or so.”

I shook my hair out, kicking myself in the ass for what I was about to do next, “Give me your cellphone.”

“Huh, why?”

I raised an eyebrow at him and held out my hand. He pulled his phone out from his pocket and dropped it into my hand. I quickly put my number into it cursing myself the whole time.

“The next time you’re in trouble, or need a ride or whatever,” I told him handing it back, “Call me.”

That stupid grin spread over his face, “I was that good in bed huh?”

“Get out of my car you fuck.”


	6. Boys Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I haven't updated this in so long. I've been on vacation and hella busy with school starting soon and trying to finish my summer AP art homework that I procrastinated until recently.

**-Eren-**

I was giddy when I got out of his car, laughing at the pissed and disgruntled look on his face. He didn’t even wave goodbye before he pulled out away from the apartment complex. I couldn’t be bothered to care all too much about that though. He gave me his number. That was better than I could have ever hoped.

Of course my sister dragged me and Armin to the hospital after we had changed our clothes, snapping at me the whole time about how “irresponsible” I was and how “I need to take better care of myself”. When she was done fuming about that, she started going on and on about how Levi was too old, too emotionally disconnected, too stand offish, and whatever else she could find to complain about him. I tuned most of that out though. I’m pretty sure the only person I was with (or I guess had sex with?) Mikasa actually liked was Annie. She was more heartbroken then I was when we broke up. I managed to calm her down after a while telling her I wasn’t interested in actually dating him. At least I didn’t think I was.

I mean yeah he was attractive. He put most male models to shame. His personality was a bit much to get used to. I barely knew him though. If we got close and I got to know him better then maybe… just maybe.

 _Stop it, Eren._ He’s probably not even interested in anything more than a good lay.  But that’s not bad either. Sex with him is definitely something to look forward to.

I needed stitches for the cut on my chest, but it wasn’t all too bad. I was prescribed some minor pain killers and told not to exert myself too much. I was fine. The doctor said we were okay, prescribing something for Armin for his head ache before sending us home. That calmed Mikasa down enough to not bother yelling at me on the way home. Armin ended up falling asleep on my lap (Mikasa refused to let me sit in the front seat, she was that annoyed with me) so I had to carry him into the apartment careful not to rip my stitches. When he falls asleep, there’s no getting him up. And if you can somehow manage you wake him up he’s a grump and it’s terrifying. I let him take my bed and ended up crashing on the couch without a blanket, falling asleep as soon as I laid my head down.

When I woke up my body was aching and my head was pounding. I immediately groaned and rolled over to my side calling out weakly for Mikasa. Armin was the one to come though, handing me a couple pain killers and a glass of water and helping me sit up.

“Did I really get beat up that bad?” I mumbled rubbing the ache in my shoulder.

“You dodged most of them,” Armin told me, “but took a lot of the ones that were aimed at me.”

I gave him a once over, grimacing at his swollen eye and lip. If it was as bad as his face told me I must have looked like I just came out of a car wreck.

“Where’s my sister?” I asked.

“At the store, you guys ran out of milk.” Armin checked his watch and moaned, “I’m going to call my grandpa to make sure he took his pills. I don’t want to go back home looking like this. Mind if I crash here for a few days until I don’t look so damaged?”

I grinned, “Stay all you want. Guys’ night! We can call up Jean and Marco too! One of us is going to have to sit between them though so they keep their hands to themselves.”

Armin laughed, “Not it!”, and walked out of the room pulling his phone from his pocket. Phone. Levi’s number. I scrambled around the house them looking for my cell only to find out it was in my pants pocket the whole time. Smooth one, Eren.

He really left his number. Wow. Why he left it I wasn’t quite sure, and the “or whatever” he left hanging when he was naming off things left a lot to the imagination. I was definitely going to take him up on that.

When Armin came back into the living room he cast me a suspicious glance, “Why are you grinning at your phone?”

“Grinning? Who’s grinning? I’m not grinning,” I tossed my phone on the couch trying to act nonchalant, “Your grandpa okay?”

“Yeah he’s fine.”

His look told me he wanted to push me for more information but he dropped the subject. Thankfully. I didn’t think he was so keen on me even knowing Levi. He fell onto the couch beside me and reached for the channel changer, switching on the TV and looking through the recorded shows.

“Raising Hope is good,” he told me playing it, “I told Mikasa to record it so I can watch it on the nights I stay here.”

I wrinkled my nose at his choice in TV shows but didn’t ask him to change it. My phone buzzed then and I snatched it away before Armin could grab it in his curiosity. It vibrated again in my hand.

 

_Levi – Are you okay?_

_Levi – Both of you I mean._

I grinned, ignoring Armin’s curious glance as I responded.

 

_Eren – We’re fine. Armin had a slight concussion but the doctor’s said he was okay. We’re just pretty banged up. I have stitches on my chest._

I tapped my leg to the beat in my head impatiently as I waited for him to reply.

 

_Levi – That’s good._

I didn’t know what to do after that. Did I reply? Did he want to end whatever conversation we were – kind of – having there? My phone buzzed again before I could keep worrying.

_Levi – Are you free Friday night?_

My heart stuttered and I grimaced at my reaction. Good going, Jaeger. You’re already starting to crush on him.

 

_Eren – As far as I know yes._

_Levi – Here’s my address, come over around nine that night._

_Eren – Alright._

He didn’t text back after that. I fidgeted in my seat trying to find something to do with my hands. I was nervous. We wouldn’t be drunk this time. How am I supposed to have sex with him sober? After a moment I pulled my knees up so I could wrap my arms around them.

“Who were you talking to?” Armin asked after a moment, curiosity obviously eating at him.

“Levi.” I kept my answer short.

His eyes narrowed slightly with worry, “I don’t know how I feel about you hanging around him.”

“He’s cool,” we’ve never hung out, but I was pretty confident in my answer. “It’s okay.”

“Don’t be too reckless Eren.” Offensive!

“I’m never reckless!”

The look he gave me made me sink further into the couch. Maybe I can be a little bit reckless, but my recklessness is the reason we became friends in the first place. If I hadn’t defended him in preschool when the kids were ganging up on him, and if I hadn’t beat them up, he’d have been bullied for the rest of his elementary school year.

I smiled then, I was like his body guard. The kid would be dead without me. He should be on his hands and knees thanking me.

I turned around and focused my attention to what he was laughing at on the TV.

 

 

 

“If you don’t hand me the popcorn I swear to god Eren I’m going to cut your dick off.”

“You’re going to have to pry it from my cold dead body.”

“That can be arranged.”

I glared at Jean, hugging the bowl of popcorn to my chest, “You hogged most of it! Let the rest of us have some!”

Armin snorted, “You smacked my hand away when I tried to get some.”

“You’ve had a lot too.”

“Eren, for the love of god!”

Mikasa flicked my on the ear, “Eren, share.”

I grumbled and handed the popcorn to Armin, but not before taking a handful and shoving it into my mouth, “Everyone bullies me.” But the words were all jumbled and muffled because of the food in my mouth so no one really understood me. Not that they’d pay attention anyways.

“Shut up and watch the movie, Jaeger,” Jean muttered. Stupid horse face.

Why we became friends in the first place was still one of the world’s wonders. I had known Marco before, but up until him and Jean got together Jean was one of the people I couldn’t stand. Every time he opened his mouth I felt like punching him. Marco was the only reason we started talking without throwing fists. After a while we started getting a long much to everyone’s surprise.

But he hogs the popcorn, and that pisses me off.

Marco ruffled my hair and laughed.

“You guys really got your ass handed to you last night didn’t you,” Jean said looking at us worriedly.

Marco nodded, “Scared us too, we didn’t realize you had left and we spent half an hour looking for you until this idiot checked his phone and read the text Mikasa sent him.”

“I was drunk, I didn’t even think of it.”

I snorted, “When do you ever think.”

“You’re this close to getting another black eye,” Jean pinched his fingers.

“We’re sorry,” Armin apologized smiling sheepishly, “We didn’t really have much of a choice. They attacked us and it was either fight back or get killed.”

“Get killed!?” Marco suddenly looked panicked.

I grimaced, “One of them had a knife. He got me good on the chest.”

“God, that’s terrifying.”

“Why did they attack you in the first place?” Jean asked.

“Apparently their girlfriends were ogling at us and they didn’t like it.”    

Armin’s face scrunched up at the memory.

“Who took you home?” Marco asked.

Mikasa and Armin both looked at me with their eyes narrowed.

“Um,” I scratched my cheek, “Levi did.”

The grins on Marco and Jean’s face made me grimace.

“Oh,” Jean leaned forward, “So your boy toy took you guys home.”

“He’s not my boy toy,” I snapped.

“He gave Eren his number too,” Armin piped up.

I scowled at him.

Marco clapped happily, “And you have his number now! You should ask him out!”

I groaned and pressed my face into the side of the couch. I’m friends with idiots.


	7. Pathetic

**Levi**

I hated myself for giving him my number. I found myself pacing around my apartment holding a bottle of wine and hating myself even more for drinking it. I tried not to drink when I was having problems. I knew it made me worse and when I had downed about half the bottle I could feel panic and hysteria rising up.

Sex. That’s all it’s supposed to be. Just sex with no strings attached and no feelings and no meet ups afterwards. I was supposed to get him in bed and then be done with him. I wasn’t supposed to get attached to him. I wasn’t supposed to start adoring those stupid puppy dog eyes or that lively attitude of his. He’s a brat. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.

And I most definitely was not supposed to give him my number.

It took every ounce of willpower I had in my drunken state to not have a panic attack.

God I’m such an idiot. What if he gets attached to me too? He can’t. I can’t let him. I’m so fucked up, god I’m so fucked up. He shouldn’t like someone like me. I have so many problems that I can’t even handle and he doesn’t need to see that part of me.

I need to stop talking to him. I need to ignore him completely.

I fell into bed with a groan, draping an arm over my eyes and letting an empty wine bottle dangle in my fingertips. I was overthinking this. It would be better if I just didn’t think at all. Suddenly the gun in my safe was sure sounding tempting and I cursed. Fuck. I curled up on my side and ran my fingers through my hair. I needed sleep. That’s all I needed.

 

 

 

Petra and Auruo came into work today to visit. Hanji was ecstatic, Mike was nowhere to be found, and I for one needed the company. My mind had been a mess all day and Petra was just what I needed. She gave me a hug, well as much as she could with a bulging stomach, when she found me.

“How have you been?”

I tried not to grimace and dodged the question, “Did your stomach get bigger? How’s baby Levi?”

Her eyes narrowed but before she could push for more information Auruo came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her momentarily distracting her. I bit back a sigh of relief at that. The look she gave me though told me she wasn’t going to drop it and I felt my stomach sink.

“Hey Levi,” Her husband said, shooting me a grin.

I grunted in acknowledgment and went back to cleaning up my bar. There were only two in this club, one at either side, and I prided myself in keeping this one clean and organized. The one that Mike ran now that Petra couldn’t and that sometimes Erwin had to work in wasn’t nearly as nice and on one too many occasions I’ve had to go over there and clean it myself. I went to work on putting out the bottles of alcohol and glasses. The bar opened in an hour. The actual ‘club’ part of this place didn’t start until around seven tonight, but because it was a week day I got off around four. Hanji had hired a few more people luckily. She might be the owner but she wasn’t a very responsible one. For the longest time it had just been Petra, Hanji, Auruo, and me working here. Auruo ended finding a job elsewhere leaving us barely able to keep up. Erwin came sometimes afterwards on request of Auruo after he got fired for whatever reason.

“Auruo, baby,” Petra looked up at her husband with a sweetened face, “I’m going over to Levi’s tonight okay? We haven’t had best friend time in forever.”

I froze, silently praying he wouldn’t let that happen. I didn’t want her at my house. I didn’t want her questioning me and making me talk. I didn’t want to talk.

He just shrugged though, “Alright, Erd wanted to go out drinking tonight because he’s afraid that when the baby comes we won’t be able to hang out as much.”

Petra grinned and I resisted the urge to break the bottle of wine I was currently holding against the table. Damn.

She didn’t bomb me with questions right as we got to my house, instead we ended up on the couch under a blanket watching some horror movie she had picked out. She nibbled on her popcorn daintily and wiggled herself deeper into the couch with a satisfied look on her face.

“I missed you,” she said, “We haven’t been able to hang out a whole lot since I got pregnant.”

“I get to baby sit when you have it,” I told her, “Erwin told me that Auruo’s been complaining over the lack of sex the past couple of months.” Ew, but if it meant I got to watch my god child I was happy.

She rolled her eyes and blushed, “I know. When I recover he’s never going to let me leave the room.”

“Disgusting.”

She punched my shoulder, “Oh shut up, Levi. You take it up the ass; do you know what comes out of there?”

“Love,” I muttered sarcastically.

She rolled her eyes, “So how’s that Eren kid you rescued yesterday?”

I stiffened, “And you know it was Eren how?”

“Erwin’s the one who saw the fight happening, he told me all about it,” she looked at me with a sly grin, “And also how you took them home.”

“He was spying.”

“He was making sure you weren’t going to be a little shit.”

“One guy had a knife. They could have been killed.”

I don’t know what exactly possessed me to say that, and suddenly the full gravity of what could have happened possessed me and I felt dizzy. Eren could have died. His blonde friend could have too. That terrified me. I could have been the one to find them dead. I could have been the one who had to call the police. I felt terror seize my heart and my breath started coming in short pants.

“Levi? Levi, are you having another attack?” Petra looked like she wanted to do something, to hold me or rub my back. She knew from experience that doing so only made it worse. She pursed her lips and got off the couch, “I’m going to grab you a glass of water.”

I bit down the whimper in my throat and ran my hands through my hair. If I hadn’t gotten there when I did, if I didn’t scare them off in time, he’d be gone. If I hadn’t gotten to them sooner he’d of been on the ground dead. They would have killed them. I know it. They had that same look in their eyes my dad did. That loathing, terrifying look that made your knees weak and your heart putter and your brain shut down.

And I was so scared.

I couldn’t breathe, and I clutched at my chest desperately. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. I could feel it beating against my ribcage trying to get out. I was shaking so much and crying so hard I couldn’t even see straight. And the only thing I could think of was Eren dead and bleeding on the ground.

“Levi,” Petra’s voice was distant now, “I need you to listen to me.” She grabbed at my hands and pried them away from my hair, holding them in hers tightly. “Deep breathes baby, you’re going to make yourself sick. Levi? Can you hear me?”

Can I?

He could have died. I can’t fucking breathe.

_Pathetic, you’re pathetic._

I just want it to stop.

_Disgusting, letting this take over you. You’re weak._

I want to die. Just let this kill me already.

_Give up._

My panic attack lasted two hours. By the time Petra was able to calm me down I was drenched in sweat and so cold and tired. I took the painkillers she handed me for the headache that was beginning to throb in my temples and downed the glass of water.

“Phone,” I muttered, “I need my phone.” I need to see if he’s okay.

She grabbed my jacket from the side of the couch and rummaged through my pockets before handing me my phone. I was still shaking, and it took five minutes just to type out the message.

 

_Levi – Are you okay?_

I bit my lip before sending another message.

 

_Levi – Both of you I mean._

I couldn’t care less about his friend, but I didn’t want to seem insensitive. I want to know he’s fine, but I don’t want him to think I’m worrying as much as I am. I don’t want him to think I care. Because I can’t. I can’t care. I can’t get myself involved.

 

_Eren – We’re fine. Armin had a slight concussion but the doctor’s said he was okay. We’re just pretty banged up. I have stitches in my side._

I sighed, relieved. I already knew he was probably going to need stitches. I’m just thankful it wasn’t any worse than that.

 

_Levi – That’s good._

“Have him come over Friday night,” Petra said looking over my shoulder, “You have that day off. It might do you some good if he came over for a while. You don’t even have to have sex.”

“This brat is the reason I had the attack in the first place,” I grumbled.

“That’s because you like him. Now ask him to come over.”

 

_Levi – Are you free Friday night?_

I held my breath.

 

_Eren – As far as I know yes._

_Levi – Here’s my address, come over around nine that night._

_Eren – Alright._

I let out a heavy breath.

“He’s going to be good for you sweetheart,” Petra told me, rubbing my shoulders, “If he can rile you up this much then he’s definitely special.”

I slunk into the couch then, “I’m going to take a nap, you’re free to do whatever you want.” I just want to sleep. I want to stop thinking.

I pulled the blanket up over me and sighed looking up at Petra. She gave me a soft smile, ruffled my hair, and said, “I’ll wake you up in an hour. I’ll have dinner done by then.”


	8. Not Fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terrified Levi will end up a little ooc so if you feel like he ever strays too far from his character pls tell me

**-Levi-**

Friday came quicker than I thought it would. I found myself cleaning my house out of nervousness despite that it didn’t need cleaning at all. It was my home. It was always clean. Maybe I really was OCD, but if even the littlest thing was out of place I would now. Cleaning up was an anxious tick I had. Petra came over around seven wanting to see Eren, and I managed to chase her out of the door before he came.

And then he showed up, with that cocky grin of his and his hands in his pocket and his eyes practically undressing me. I didn’t even manage a ‘Hello’ before his mouth was attacking mine and I found myself pinned against the wall. It felt like my stomach was flipping, and I was sure my heart was trying to beat its way out of my rib cage. Every bit of my warmed up as he touched me. My whole being felt like it was burning up when he ran his hands up my shirt. Before I could catch myself I was arching against him and kissing him back just as hard.  He didn’t ask – he didn’t even give a warning – before his tongue was in my mouth entangling with mine. There were goose bumps on my arms and suddenly it was too hot to be wearing so many layers.

I hated that he had this effect on me. I hated that he could get this kind of reaction out of me.  

Eren pulled away and I gasped for air, glaring up at him for the sudden attack. To be honest though I was more pissed at the butterflies in my stomach then I was at him. He just smiled sheepishly back at me and took a step back to give me some air.

“Sorry,” he apologized running a hand through his tangled hair, “I’ve just been thinking about meeting up with you all week and I couldn’t stop myself.” Then he seemed to realize what he said and blushed to the tip of his ears. God, he’s fucking cute.

I tapped my foot, trying to seem impatient and uninterested when really my heart just did a few summersaults in my chest at what he just said. “Are you going to fuck me or what?”

The embarrassed look on his face was quickly replaced with a childlike eagerness, “Show me to your bedroom.”

_You’re like a puppy._

I took his hand and led him down the hall, nerves churning in my body with excitement and fear. Excitement because I knew how good in bed he was, and fear because this time I wasn’t drunk and I was terrified of fucking something up.

Don’t think, just do. Isn’t that what I go by? I pushed all the worries I had about tonight to the back of my mind. I was determined to have fun. I pulled him into my room only to find myself pressed with my chest to the wall and his hips digging into my ass. I let out a small, pathetic gasp in surprise and scratched at the wall. _Shit._

“I want to take it slower this time,” Eren whispered in my ear, and a shiver went down my back. His large hands went from my hips to the inside of my thighs pulling my legs a little farther apart and I felt myself melt into his touch.

“What do you mean?” I asked breathlessly.

He placed a small kiss right under my ear, “I mean I want to take my time touching you. I want to finger you and suck you and make you beg for it. I want you to enjoy yourself.”

My mouth went dry, and I ran a tongue over my lips. “Then get on with it.”        

Eren pulled me away from the wall and towards my bed, pushing me down onto it. I let him. I didn’t try to fight to have some control like I usually did when I took people to bed with me. Something about him made me let my guard down. I wasn’t afraid to let him take control. Something like this had never happened. I needed control in my life. If I didn’t I ended up hiding in my closet panicking.

I don’t want this. I don’t want him to do this to me. He can touch me and fuck me anytime he wants but I don’t want to actually be feeling things for him. Feelings drag you down. I can’t be _dragged down._ I will not fall for him. I _refuse._

The butterflies only got worse when he pushed his hand up my shirt, fingers trailing over the ridges of my abs and that stupid smile still on his face. I glared up at him. I hate him. I hate him for making me feel this giddy.

“You look like you want to rip my head off,” Eren mused.

“You’re smile is pissing me off.” That wasn’t exactly a lie.

He laughed at that and pulled my shirt off my body. Lips and teeth quickly found my nipple and I arched against him grunting. I cradled his head trying to suppress a squeal when he bit down on me roughly, every ounce of pain going straight to my cock. I fisted his hair in my hands.

“You’re being rather – _ngh!_ Rough,” I panted.

He dragged his nails across my stomach, “It’s been a stressful week.”

I leaned up to catch his earlobe between my teeth, “Then take all that pent up stress out on me, okay brat?”

And he did.

My pants were off rather quickly after that, and Eren’s mouth enveloped me. Heat pooled in my stomach and I ached for him to do more. I bucked against him and whined into my hand. His teeth grazed against the head of my cock making me yelp in surprise.

“No… Teeth,” I gasped. I fisted the sheets beneath me and bit my lip hoping to suppress the embarrassing noises that threatened to spill out.

He chuckled around me, sending delicious vibrations up my cock that I could swear I felt in my stomach. His tongue twisted in way around me that had me squirming and whimpering to the point where I was almost delirious. What he could do with his mouth was sinful, and I never wanted him to stop. Eren pulled away then, a finger running down the head of my cock, between my balls, and to my entrance.

“You have lube?”

I nodded weakly, pointing to the drawer beside my bed, “You have a condom?”

“Always.”

Eren grabbed the bottle, fumbling with the lid to get it open before flipping me over and pouring it over my ass. His fingers slipped inside of me quickly after that. I couldn’t help but keen in delight when he did that, biting the palm of my hand and cursing myself for making noise. Eren’s fingers stilled in me and I let out an annoyed sigh.

He spoke though before I could tell him to get a move on, “I’m not going to continue if you’re going to keep trying not to moan. If I don’t know I’m doing good I’ll stop.”

I gritted my teeth, “You little shit.”

“I mean it Levi. I want to hear you moan. Don’t hold yourself back. Can you do that? Can you moan for me?”

He must have took the wiggle of my hips as a yes and continued to finger fuck me, his fingers curling occasionally making me shriek into the pillow. Terrified he’d stop I didn’t hold back. I moaned and keened and mewled and I knew it was all going to the brats head.

“You ready for me?”

I nodded weakly. I felt him poking at my entrance, felt every inch he pushed into me, and found myself shaking when he was fully sheathed and draped over me. I arched my back trying to get him deeper and groaned. I loved feeling full, and he might not have been as big as some people I had slept with but I could still feel everything. He pressed kissed up my spine and nipped my shoulder playfully.

“Damn it kid,” I groaned, “move.”

“Well you’re greedy.” I didn’t even try to deny it.

I hissed when Eren started moving, fisting the pillow underneath my head and burying my face into it to smother the embarrassing noises that spilled from my mouth. Eren’s hands held my hips in a bruising grip and he started thrusting into me. He adjusted his angle and I screamed into the pillow when he hit the bundle of nerves inside of me dead on. I reached back, grabbing his hip in my hand desperate for him to do that again. He did, and with every thrust I yelped and moaned. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t catch my breath. Every time I tried to inhale I only moaned. I went from burying my head in the pillow to pushing myself on my elbows and throwing my head back screaming out. His hand found my cock and I almost lost it then.

“Fu…ck. Eren,” I could barely even form words, “Fast- _ah_!”

Neither of us lasted long. I came shortly after he did, screaming so loud I was positive the neighbors heard me. He draped himself over me as he slept, long eyelashes casting a shadow on his face as he slept. I couldn’t find the energy to get up and turn off the light. Instead I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

 

 

 

I made him stay over for breakfast. Petra ended up in my kitchen right as I got started on cooking and I began to regret giving her a key to my house. No amount of glaring made her leave. She went right up to Eren, holding out a hand and introducing herself before coming back to hover over my shoulder to see what I was cooking.

“Why the hell are you here,” I grumbled.

She sighed, “You never have been a morning person. I decided to stop by to let you know I’m going to be at the hospital in a couple of days. I wanted you to see me deliver the baby.”

I grimaced, “I don’t particular want to look at your cunt.”

She slapped the back of my head for that, “He’s practically your son! You should be there to see him born! Plus I want you to hold him too.”

That caught Eren’s attention, “Practically your son?”

I glared at Petra and she smiled, “Levi was nice enough to impregnate me when me we found out my husband was infertile.”

He blushed at that, obviously taking it the way it never actually went. I didn’t have sex with her. I don’t think I’d be able to actually get it up to even penetrate her. I just smirked though. Let the brat think what he wants.

Petra frowned in confusion at his reaction before turning to me, “Levi, what are you making?”

“Eggs, bacon, and pancakes.”

She pouted, “Can you make crepes too? You’re really good at them.”

“It’s because I’m French. I’m good at cooking everything.”

“So will you?”

I looked at her with a bored expression, “No.”

Her face fell and she pouted, “You can’t deny a starving mama like that. Please? I’m pregnant and I have cravings, Levi.”

“And I have a headache. If you’re going to stay you will sit your pregnant ass down and eat what I make you.” I pointed at the table, trying to look like I was annoyed with her. I never ever really was though. She can be a pain in the ass but her company was one of the few I enjoyed.

She pouted but took a seat at the table, next to Eren much to my annoyance. She just gave me an amused smile and started asking him questions. Eren tried to keep up with them as best as he could. When I gave him his plate of food he dug into it, using a full mouth as an excuse to not answer as many questions she shot at him. Petra got her food next.

“I’m pregnant,” she groaned, “I should have gotten my food first.”

“I bottomed,” I shot back, “I shouldn’t be moving at all. And if you’re going to keep throwing that excuse around I’m going to kick you out.”

That made Eren blush to the tip of his ears and Petra laugh.  I sat down next to him with my own plate of food and started eating. I glared at my best friend from across the table when she leaned back with a sigh and patted her stomach.

“You are not done eating,” I grumbled.

“The baby takes up most of the room,” she retorted, pointing at her stomach, “I literally can’t eat more than two chicken nuggets from McDonalds before I feel stuffed. I’ll take the food with me though. I’ll be hungry in an hour or two.”

“Is it a boy or a girl?” Eren asked.

Petra beamed, “A baby boy! My husband and I are naming it Levi!”

He grinned at that.

“Alright,” I said standing up and grabbing my plate, Eren’s empty one, and Petra’s, “If you all are done eating get out of my house. I have cleaning to do if Petra’s going to have her baby this soon seeing as how I’m on baby watch a few days afterward.”

“You will be rewarded greatly,” she clapped her hands in excitement, “Oh! Eren, do you want to see the baby being delivered?”

“Might as well invite the whole damn state,” I grumbled.

“Shut up Levi. So what do you say Eren?”

“I,” he looked a little cornered, “Well, erm.”

Petra pouted, “Pleeeeease.”

He scratched the back of his neck, “Okay? I guess.”

“Great!”

Fantastic, another person who couldn’t resist giving in to her.

 

 

I didn’t notice until later that night when I had finished cleaning my room that Eren had left his phone on my nightstand. I couldn’t for the life of me remember where he lived so just taking it back to him wasn’t going to work. I checked his phone, hoping that maybe he had left his home number in his contacts, and sighed in relief when I found it.

I called it, waiting patiently for someone to pick up.

“Hello? Who is this?”

Dear lord he was drunk.

“Eren? What have you been drinking?”

There was a hiccup, “Nothin’ much honestly. Jus’ a little whisky and some beer from the fridge.”

“What’s your address? I’m coming over.”

“No,” he sounded almost desperate, “Please don’t.”

“Give me your address, brat.”

He slurred it out, and I managed to write it down on the palm of my hand after making him repeat it to make sure I got it right. I got into my car and drove to his apartment. His door wasn’t locked, I just walked in.

The front room was trashed, a broken vase littered the floor and the flowers in it trampled and broken. Eren was sobbing. I could hear him from a room. I was almost scared to continue into the house. Everything was upturned and in disarray. I walked into his living room only to freeze at the sight of Eren attempting to hide in the corner. He looked at me with teary, bloodshot eyes before he closed them. I could see him shaking from here.

“Go away,” he whimpered.

“Eren?”

“Leave!”

He pushed himself up and stumbled towards me, raising his fist. I caught his clumsy punch easily before it could actually do any damage. His head dropped and he fell against me, shaking as he clutched my shirt and sobbed.

What the hell happened to make him go off like this?

I wrapped my arms around him and rubbed his back trying to calm him down.

“They’re out of jail,” I could barely understand what he was saying through all of his crying and slurring.

“What?” my eyebrows drew together in confusion. Who’s out of jail?

“Those monsters, they’re out of jail,” he whimpered and his hands tightened on the front of my shirt, “They hurt mom bad. They hurt her so bad. They killed her. They’re free.”

“Eren?”

“I want them dead.” His knees started shaking then, and I wrapped my arms around his waist before he fell. I picked him up bridal style and walked down the hallway hoping to find his room (or any room really) to lay him down before he decided he needed to vomit. I was suddenly thankful for all those hours I spent exercising because Eren wasn’t light.

“I want them dead Levi,” his voice was barely a whisper, his eyes fluttered. Shit, he drank far too much.

“I know.” What else could I say to that? I found his room and helped him into the bed. It wasn’t easy, Eren was practically dead weight. He curled on his side almost immediately.

“I don’t feel good.”

I barely got the trashcan underneath his head before he puked.

“How much did you drink?” I asked wiping his face off.

“A lot,” he whimpered.

“Damn it, Eren.”

His fingers clenched at my shirt when I turned to rinse the trash can out in the bathroom. Teary eyes looked up at me, “Don’t leave me alone.”

My heart dropped, “I’m not leaving.”

“I don’t want to be alone.” He looked so broken then, so scared and alone and it hurt because I knew what that felt like. I chewed on my lip.

“You’re not going to be alone.”

He closed his eyes and fell asleep then. I sighed and pulled the blankets over his shivering form before leaving the room to find his bathroom and clean out the can. When I returned he was crying again, still unconscious. I ran my fingers through his hair using my sleeve to wipe off his face. He was a mess. It hurt to see. He was also so sure of himself, so confident and strong and to see him like this made me sick with worry.

I had a pretty good idea of what those bastards he was talking about did to his mom. Disgust and anger welled up in me. I didn’t understand how people could do something so vile. I didn’t see how someone could get off on breaking a person and watching them cry and plead for you to stop.

I ran a hand through my hair and groaned softly. There was no way I was going back home, not when Eren was surely going to be in pain the next morning. I briefly wondered where his sister was but pushed the thought from my mind before I crawled into his bed next to him. The trashcan was sat on the nightstand so Eren or even I could easily grab it if he puked again sometime in the night. I laid next to him, running my hand through his hair and rubbing his back hoping he would stop crying and sleep peacefully. I hated seeing him like this.

It’s not fair how much I’m starting to like him. This was like the last straw. I knew I was getting attached to him. Even Petra had commented about it. After seeing him so broken tonight made me want to protect the brat. I wanted to make sure he never felt that way ever again.

He turned and curled against me sometime during the night, and I found myself holding him against my chest.

Yeah, it’s definitely not fair how much I like him.


	9. To drink the pain away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School can suck my ass  
> My tumblr's neadevar if you want to follow me btw

**-Eren-**

 

It was on the news. They were free. Those bastards who picked my mom off the street coming home from work, those sick fucks who raped her and left her dead on the side of the rode, they were free. They were out of jail. It _hurt._ It hurt so much. I could feel it crawling on my skin and churning inside of me. It was in my head and on my fingertips. Every ounce of my body _ached._ It wasn’t the kind of pain you felt when you touched a hot stove, or stubbed your toe, it was the kind that left you breathless and sobbing because there was no source. There was no way to make it stop. It’s the kind where your chest hurts so much it’s hard to breathe, let alone speak.

I hadn’t meant to even watch the news, but nothing else was on and Mikasa was at a friend’s house and I needed the apartment to not sound so empty. I could have played music. I probably _should_ have played music. If I had I would have been spared the news and wouldn’t have ended up so utterly _broken_ right now.

I don’t know how much I drank. One can of beer turned into two, and then three, and I know I started drinking some whisky sometime after beer five. I remember trashing my house feeling so completely frustrated and angry and hurt. I couldn’t find my phone, or even our home phone, to call Mikasa. I couldn’t tell her how much I needed someone. Jean, Marco, Armin, none of them knew what was going on and I needed someone there with me. I was alone. I was _scared._

I can barely remember Levi calling me. All I could remember last night by the time he got there was the smell of his cologne and feeling so incredibly tired and safe when he wrapped his arms around me and yet so torn apart. I could remember hearing his heartbeat in his chest and feeling him attempt to calm me down. I could remember was him putting me to bed and telling me he wouldn’t leave. And then that was it. I couldn’t remember anything else from the night other than that.

I woke up to the smell of eggs and bacon and toast and Levi nudging me up. I had a blinding headache that made me nauseous, and even the smell of breakfast had be gagging.

“Each the bread first,” he instructed, “And here’s some painkillers.”

I took those gratefully hoping my headache would subside soon. I didn’t have much of an appetite and the thought of food made me sick to my stomach but I did as he said and nibbled on the bread. The look he was giving me told me he’d shove it down my throat if I didn’t at least try to eat something. I couldn’t even look him in the eyes, choosing to look past him when he crawled a little closer.

I took a deep, shaky breath, “About last night. I’m sorry.” I felt so awful and embarrassed that he had seen me like that. I was a complete mess and no one needed to see me so fucking wrecked.

He looked away, “It’s okay. Are you alright?”

“I’m fi-,” I stopped and shook my head. No point in lying now. “No, no I’m not okay.”

“I’m sorry,” he ran his fingers through my hair, looking at me with sad eyes.

“I’ll be fine,” I told him, “last night was just… rough.” I didn’t know how else to explain it.

“I could tell. You told me a little bit about it, enough for me to know that I shouldn’t get too mad at you for getting so drunk.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Shit happens. Alcohol is definitely not the way to go about feeling better though, shithead.”

“Thanks… for coming over that is. I mean I’m sorry you had to see me like that. But Mikasa was gone and I was alone and they-,” I felt myself start to choke up and I paused. After a few deep breaths I continued, “And somehow they were released. I wasn’t okay.”

He threaded his fingers through my hair, running them through them in an attempt to sooth me. The gesture was quite surprising coming from someone like him. I leaned into his hand a little bit before I caught myself and straightened up. Levi didn’t comment on that.

“I’m still mad at you for getting so wasted,” he told me, I couldn’t bring myself to look at his face and instead opted to start on my eggs, “I know whatever happened is shitty, and I know it probably brought back a lot of memories that are better left hidden, but getting drunk like that wasn’t the way to go brat. You could have drunken yourself dead. You never drink alone. I could have come by to find you dead or comatose.”

I winced, “I’m sorry.”

“You better be, brat. The next time something as shitty as that happens come over to my place, or call me. I’d rather have you get drunk around me then alone.”

I nodded and closed my eyes, breathing deeply through my nose before saying, “I think I need to puke.”

“Shit.”

After throwing up most of what I had eaten Levi left to get me crackers, deciding he’d rather not have me vomit any more than necessary. When he came back he looked a little irritated.

“You’re sister isn’t too happy to find me here,” He said, “So when you start feeling better you need to go calm her down. I don’t think my breakfast helped her mood any, which is shitty because I’m a pretty damn good cook.”

I laughed a little bit, “Just tell her I’m still asleep okay? But um… did you tell her why I got so drunk?”

“I actually didn’t tell her anything. I found it fun to watch her simmer like that thinking I fucked your ass last night.”

I grimaced, “You’re horrible. You can tell her I was drunk last night, just don’t tell her why. I… that’s something I need to talk with her about later today.”

He nodded in understanding, “Will do.”

“What did she say about the mess?”

“There isn’t a mess anymore. I cleaned up everything I could last night.”

I frowned, “God, I’m sorry.”

“Its fine, I wasn’t about to leave it like that. Besides your house needed to be cleaned anyways with all the stains in the carpet and the marks on the wall.”

Levi didn’t leave then though. Instead he stayed sitting beside me combing through my hair with my fingers. I enjoyed the company. I didn’t like the thought of being alone after what I had found out last night. I started coughing half way through a cracker. Levi called me a brat for that. He took them away then, and I chugged my glass of water.

“I need to go to work,” he said opening the door to my room, “Talk to your sister when you’re ready. And if you need to call me don’t hesitate, and I’ll come right over okay?”

“Thank you Levi.”

“Don’t mention it brat.”

When I finally managed to get out of bed and down into the living room I was met with a very pissed off Mikasa and a rather scared Armin. I know he wasn’t here earlier or Levi would have mentioned it. And while I was thrilled that my best friend was over I was still rather confused as to why he came over now.

“Eren I’m so sorry she made me come over to-,” he didn’t get to finish his apology before Mikasa butted it.

“I can’t believe you let him fuck you!” she was screaming, oh lord she was mad, “In our apartment! Eren you two aren’t even together and you decided to fucking lose the last bit of virginity you have to some asshole like that!?”

“Mikasa wait-.”

“Mikasa I really think you should-.”

“Was he gentle?! Did he hurt you at all?! I swear to god Eren if he pressured you into this I’ll strangle him.”

“We didn’t fuck,” I groaned running my hands down my face.

Mikasa looked at me confused, “Then why the hell was he here?”

“I got drunk last night,” I mumbled, “He actually came over to drop off my phone. He got me into bed and stuff.”

“Why were you drunk?”

I felt my throat close up at that, and I walked over to sit down on the couch flipping the TV on. I couldn’t talk. I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to tell Mikasa what had happened. She’d shut down. I knew how her head worked. As soon as she found out she’d go into her emotionless zombie like state. It was the same way she came to us when her parents were killed in front of her. It was the same way she looked when mom died. It was hard for everyone to deal with, and I was one of the few people who knew how much pain she’d have to be in to revert to that. I didn’t want to tell her something that would break her like that.

She shut the TV off, “Why were you drunk?”

“They’re out,” that was all I could manage to say. Whatever else I should of said to explain more stayed lodged in my throat and it hurt to even swallow.

“What?” Confusion was etched on her face. Armin’s too, and he took a seat beside me looking at me worriedly.

“Those monsters, the ones who hurt mom, they’re out of jail,” my throat seemed to tighten more and I felt my eyes start to burn. I was going to cry again. I don’t want them to see me cry. I ran a hand over my face and let out a heavy breath.

“What?” she repeated it quieter, almost a whisper, like she was hoping she’d heard me wrong. All I could do though was shake my head and look down into my hands.

“Oh god,” Armin breathed.

Mikasa was shutting down; I saw it in her face when I finally looked up. Her eyes were going blank and her stance was rigid. She looked like the scared child that came into our home again. And then her eyes met mine and she fell apart. She sat on the other side of me and wrapped her arms around me and started sobbing into my side. I started crying them. I pressed a hand to my mouth hoping to stop myself from making any noise. I didn’t want them to hear me crying. It was bad enough that they could see it.

Armin took one of Mikasa’s hands, and pulled the one away from my mouth to hold them. He was crying too. I could tell even if his face wasn’t visible with how low he had it. His shoulders were shaking. He was crying for us.

It was a rough night for all of us. Armin stayed over, and we all fell asleep in my bed. Mikasa was clinging to me. Armin was holding our hands. Mikasa had to take her sleeping pills to actually sleep, and I tried to pretend I didn’t see her take more than her recommended dose. She wasn’t trying to OD, she just wanted to sleep. I would have done the same.

I dreamt of mom that night. I could tell Mikasa did too with how hollow she looked the next morning.


	10. Baby Levi

**-Eren-**

Levi called me up a few days later to tell me that Petra was in the hospital and he was going to come pick me up. I was dreading it to be honest. Child birth wasn’t exactly something I wanted to witness. When I told Levi he threatened to castrate me if I didn’t come with him. When I complained about it to Mikasa she just rolled her eyes and told me to get ready.

“Childbirth is a magical thing,” she said putting on her shoes to leave for work, “It would be good for you to see it.”

“I barely know this woman,” I groaned. She left the house quickly before I could complain anymore.

We were all pretending nothing had ever happened. Armin stayed until yesterday before he went home and we acted like everything was normal and okay. I still crushed up Mikasa’s pills into her orange juice so she actually took them, Mikasa still babied me, and we even had band practice.

I still felt sick though. I still slept in Mikasa’s room with her because I didn’t want to be alone. I couldn’t talk to Levi because I didn’t want to bother him, so I stayed inside and tried to forget that I even had a life outside here.

I was tempted to pretend I wasn’t here when Levi knocked at the door.

“If you don’t answer the damn door brat I’m going to rip your balls off.”

I cupped myself in response and grimaced, waddling forward to answer the door.

“Wipe that pout off your face and let’s go.”

Needless to say I kept my hands over my ears and my eyes tightly closed during the birth. Petra was tough, but even going through labor she couldn’t help but scream. I did my best to ignore everything, and refused to look at the baby when it was still covered in afterbirth. Levi fared better than I did. The one time I glanced at him to see how he was doing his signature scowl had deepened. He didn’t enjoy it any more than I did. Petra passed out when everything was all said and done, and her husband (whose name I couldn’t remember for the life of me) was rather green. He ended up passing out on the couch.

“Sorry Petra asked you come to this,” Levi apologized, grimacing at the drool that leaked from the corner of the girl’s mouth, “She’s been doing some weird things since she got pregnant.”

I managed a shrug, “It’s okay, it wasn’t that bad.” That was a total lie and from the way Levi’s mouth twitched in a sort of smirk I knew he knew it too.

The nurse came in then and cast a curious look at the man passed out on the sofa, “He’s the father right? I expected him to be awake by the time I came back.” She smiled at Levi and stepped closer to him handing him a clipboard and a pen, “I’m going to need you to sign some paperwork to pass off all parental rights to Mr. Bossard.”

Levi didn’t even bat a lash while signing the paperwork, and I couldn’t tell what exactly he was feeling. I pushed my hands between my legs and slumped a bit, “Are you really okay with giving off the kid to him like that?”

He cast a bored look at me, “It’s not my child, sure yeah it came from my seed but it was never going to be mine. I’m okay with that. I’m not exactly good with children.”

“And you’re still going to baby sit it?”

“I want to be a part of its life in some way. I need to make sure Aurou doesn’t kill it with his negligence.”

The nurse came back when Petra and her husband were awake so they could sign some more paperwork for the baby.

“Okay!” the nurse smiled, “I’ll bring baby…” she paused to look at the paperwork, “Levi Auruo Bossard to you guys right now! You should be able to go home tomorrow, okay sweetheart?”

Petra nodded and smiled sleepily.

Petra got to hold the baby first, then Auruo, then Levi, and when it came to me no matter how many times I protested because I wouldn’t put it past me to drop the thing Levi made me sit down in a chair and take it. He kept his eyes trained on me while I held it, repositioning my arm so his head was more supported or fixing the way I had my hands around him.

Yeah, not exactly good with children my ass.

Baby Levi opened his eyes then and started crying, and I hurriedly handed him to Levi so he could give him to Petra so she could feed him.

The ride home was silent for the most part, until we got back to my apartment, “I’m sorry this was thrown on you, especially after the night you had the other day.”

I shook my head, “No, it’s okay. It was a good distraction.”

“You going to be okay?” He actually looked worried, something I didn’t think he’d be able to do.

I nodded, flashing him a quick smile before I was out of the car and heading up the stairs.

 

The week passed by slowly as ever, and while we couldn’t actually get over that those bastards were out of jail we had to push it to the back of our minds. Mikasa had work, we had a gig coming up, and Jean and Marco kept bugging us to get out of the house. Armin said it would do us good so we did.

Levi had texted me about once a day since I last saw him, to check up on me and make sure I was doing okay. I didn’t dare tell him that I ended up getting drunk again. I had already made a fool out of myself and I was not about to do it again. So instead of breaking down and telling him everything that was going through my mind like I wanted to, I kept telling him I was doing fine. It wasn’t until Friday, the day Mikasa and I were meeting up with Marco and Jean at the bar, that he called me out on it.

 

_From Levi – Stop bullshitting me brat, you’re not fine. I can tell. Now stop the pretense and tell me what’s going through your mind._

_To Levi – It’s honestly nothing, you don’t need to worry about me._

_From Levi – Who says I’m worrying?_

 

I left my phone on my dresser then, shaking my head feeling a little hurt as I walked to my closet to find a pair of jeans. I had finally gotten some black skinny’s on when my phone went off again.

 

_From Levi – I sounded like an asshole then, I’m sorry. I’m worried. I don’t want you getting as fucked as you were the other night._

 

I bit my lip and tried to suppress the wave of guilt that threatened to take me down. I didn’t want to tell him I’ve gotten drunk again, and I most definitely didn’t want to tell him that I was going out drinking tonight. It was at his bar, but I knew enough about his schedule not to be worried about him seeing me at the club. He wouldn’t be working tonight.

 

_To Levi – I’m fine I promise. I’m working through it._

_From Levi – If you don’t want to talk about it just tell me instead of lying. I don’t want to hear I’m fine from you again brat._

_To Levi – Fine, I just don’t want to talk about it._

 

He didn’t message me back after that and I pushed my phone into my back pocket.

Mikasa came in and scowled, “Put a shirt on Eren, we need to go.”

I rolled my eyes and dug through my drawers before pulling on a white tank top. I put on my red jacket and pulled on my beanie before I met Mikasa out in the living room. She was wearing a pair of white booty shorts that made her legs look longer and a band shirt she had pulled tight at the bottom with a hair band. Armin was there too in slim blue jeans and a black long sleeved shirt.

“Finally Eren,” he said smiling, “You take longer than Mikasa does to get ready.”

I rolled my eyes, “I couldn’t find my beanie.” I didn’t feel the need to tell them I was talking to Levi for most of the time. Neither of them knew what to think about him and until I was sure they were okay with me talking to him I wasn’t about to tell them anything. Well, I could tell Armin, but I rarely got time alone with him and if I said anything while Mikasa was around it would put her in a shitty mood. She didn’t trust Levi at all.

Jean and Marco met us there, and had already ordered drinks by the time we got to the booth.

Jean smiled lazily at me, “You look casual today, not picking up any hot dates?”

Marco judged his side and I just rolled my eyes, “I didn’t feel like bothering to put effort into my appearance.”

“What if Levi were to see you?” Jean taunted.

“Then he sees me, I don’t live to please him,” I told him.

Marco butted in then before his boyfriend could say anything else, “Have you met up with Levi since your one night stand?”

Mikasa glared into her drink, “He was at our house the other day.”

I scratched the back of my neck and looked out into the crowd, anywhere but their faces. From the corner of my eye I could see Jean’s mouth hanging open in shock and Marco hurriedly giving him a pop on the chin to tell him to close his mouth.

“You’ll catch flies,” I heard him mutter.

“So, did you bottom for him?” Jean asked.

I groaned and banged my head against the table, “No I didn’t. We didn’t even have sex.” Why does everyone assume that?

“Wait, you didn’t?”

“No, he came by to drop off my phone because I left it at his place and he stayed over because I was drunk as shit.” I winced at my choice of words and prepared for the onslaught of questions.

“Why were you drunk?”

“Wait you were at his house?”

“Did you bottom for him then?”

“How the hell do you forget your phone,” that comment was from Jean, who couldn’t be found without his phone at all times.

I rolled my eyes and tried to ignore Mikasa’s glare drilling in the back of my head, “Yes, I went to his house. Yes, we had sex but I didn’t bottom. I forgot my phone because my soul is not merged with it like you, Jean.”

He waved off my comment, “So are you two a thing now?”

I shook my head, “No.”

“Do you like him?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Because I’m tired of being the only one with a boyfriend here!” he threw his hands up exasperated.

Marco grinned, “There’s a carnival coming up in a couple of days, you should take him to it.”

“You seem to forget I’m broke as fuck.”

“It’s free to get in, just the punch card for the games costs money.”

“I’m not taking him out on a date.”

“Come on,” Jean cried, “It’s obvious you like him!”

I felt my face grow red and flipped him off, “I don’t like him.”

“Then why are you blushing. Come on, Eren, just ask him out already. What’s holding you back?”

“I don’t like him, that’s what.”

“What’s that?” Jean sniffed the air, “I smell bullshit.”

“Damn it Jean.”

“Alright,” he leaned in from over the table, “If you don’t like him then how come you went to his house? If you don’t like him then why did you let him stay when you were drunk? Eren, you’re redder then Marco was the first time we had sex,” his boyfriend smacked him for that and put his head in his hands, “And don’t think we haven’t noticed you scanning the crowds for him the last few times we played gigs. Admit it, you like him.”

“I don’t think,” I stopped then and bit my lip. If I didn’t like him like that then why was I so excited when he gave me his number? Why was I so excited to see him when he told me to come over?

“You may just have baby feelings at the moment,” Jean continued, “but trust me, just ask him out on a date. You might realize you like him a lot more then you say.”

“I don’t think he’s the dating type.”

“Who the hell cares? Just ask him out already.”

I groaned low in my throat and pulled my phone out only to be welcomed with a text from Levi.

 

_From Levi – As soon as you’re done hanging out with your friends get your ass over here. I need help with the baby._


	11. Children Are The Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel like Eren and Levi looking after a baby is something we all need  
> Also I know I'm shit but school man school do you know how much I sleep I can't do homework fuck school man

**– Levi -**

Babies are shit, especially my godchild.

It was only a few days after Petra had popped him out and Auruo decided he count wait until her vagina stopped whistling in the wind before he stuck it in. I had agreed to watch the kid partly to get Petra to shut up with excitement and partly because I just wanted to see the baby. I take back whatever cute, sentimental thoughts I had when I first held him in my arms. He was the devil.

I slumped against the couch, baby Levi screaming and wailing in my arms, “What’s it going to take to get you to shut up?”

I feed him, he cries. I change him, he cries. I try to put him down to sleep, he cries harder. I had just about had it. Petra needs to come get her god damn child. Eventually I had enough and reached for my phone, sending Eren a quick text hoping he could come over for a little while to at least watch the brat while I took a quick stress nap.

 

_To Eren – As soon as you’re done hanging out with your friends get your ass over here. I need help with the baby._

_From Eren – I’ll be there in about an hour._

I sighed with relief and repositioned Levi in my arms, cradling his head against my shoulder and rocking him back and forth in an attempt to calm him down. It didn’t work (not that I expected it to). I sighed and sat down again, leaning my head against the back of the couch. Thank god I’m gay. At least then if I date a biological male there’s no possible way of getting pregnant. I couldn’t deal with a kid on a daily basis. Just babysitting this brat was enough already.

The hour dragged on forever until the doorbell rang, effectively making Levi cry even harder. I groaned and walked towards the door, opening it and grabbing Eren by the front of his shirt and dragging him in. I shoved him down on the couch before handing him the baby and fixing the position he was holding. Much to my relief he stopped crying, and instead chose to coo at Eren.

“He likes you,” I said straightening up and stretching.

Eren grinned, “He has your scowl.”

“You’re one smart ass comment away from having my foot up your ass.”

“Hey, no swearing around the baby.”

I smacked him upside the head, “Now that the little shit has finally stopped crying, I’m going to take a small nap. The baby milk is in the fridge, the diaper bags right beside the couch. He shouldn’t need to be fed before I wake up but just in case he does please for the love of god test the milk after you warm it up before giving it to him. I don’t want his tongue scalded.”

Eren pouted, “Have you no faith in me?”

“Not at all. I’ll be back out in half an hour. Have fun, smelly little brat.”

“He will, I’ll keep baby Levi entertained.”

“I was talking to you.”

I didn’t look back to see his expression, and didn’t bother hiding a smirk.

 

 

 

**-Eren-**

 

Levi looked up and cooed at me, blinking at be with large baby blue eyes. I smiled as I held him and rocked him gently in my arms. I had heard him screaming when I knocked on Levi’s door. I actually kind of felt sorry for him when I saw the bags underneath his eyes when he shoved the kid at me. I held a small sort of pride for being able to get baby Levi to stop crying.

Kid’s might actually be kind of fun.

It still felt weird though. I barely knew Levi, and here I was in his house holding his god child like I was some well-known friend. And with him being the kind of guy he is he didn’t strike me as someone who just easily let someone into their life like that. Honestly it made me happy. Being around him made me happy in general but this especially. It was nice to actually be able to enjoy being somewhere. Since Mikasa and Armin and I had found out that the men who hurt my mom were free it was a hassle to even eat. I found myself taking the anti-depressants I still had in my closet, something I hadn’t needed in years. I had to really remember to crush Mikasa’s pills up in her juice in the morning because if I forgot she might fly off the handle. Armin helped out a lot. He came over with take out or pizza often just to make sure we were actually eating something. Even going to the bar tonight took a lot of strength and willpower we really didn’t have. If it wasn’t for Armin there to make sure we went we would have passed. We just weren’t happy. And as I rocked the baby in my arms I found myself grinning.

Baby Levi fell asleep faster than I expected him to and I set him down with a sigh in the crib set up in the living room. I stretched myself out on Levi’s couch and ran a hand down my face. I needed to get home to my sister. Armin told me he’d say over and watch her but I needed to be there in case she had some sort of episode. She’d been holding up far too well then she should have been and I knew it was only a matter of time before she snapped. I needed to be there to calm her down before she did something to seriously hurt herself or someone else.

I didn’t leave though. Levi needed to sleep and I wasn’t about to leave until he had woken up. It was possible he’d just sleep through the night, and I’d wake him up to tell him I had to leave if that happened to be the case.

He did wake up after half an hour though, and sluggishly made his way through the kitchen. He just stood there, looking around for a while before he grabbed an apple from the fridge. Levi looked up at me and I found myself putting a hand over my mouth to hide my grin. His hair was messy, sticking up on one side and plastered to his face on the other. His eyes were drooping and unguarded and tiredly glaring up at me.

“You’re still here?” he asked.

I just shrugged, “I only got Levi to sleep a little bit ago. And I didn’t want to leave until I was able to tell you I was going.”

He leaned against the counter, “So how come you’re not leaving now?”

I chewed my lip and shoved my hands into my pockets, “I actually have something to ask.”

“What is it?”

“Well you see, there’s this… ah.”

“Spit it out, brat.”

“Do you want to go with me to the carnival this weekend? As like a date.”

He stared at me a moment and I thought for sure he was going to turn me down. I felt my stomach drop and my hands started to shake a little. He took a bite of his apple and chewed slowly, staring down at his feet with his eyebrows scrunched together. I bit my lip nervously watching him contemplate his decision.

“Sure,” he shrugged, “You’re cute. I think I can handle a date with you.”

I tried to suppress a sigh of relief which ultimately failed. He shot me a small amused smirk.

“I’m going to have to text you the details, but I need to get home to Mikasa now.”

He waved me off, “Sure, go ahead. See you later.”


	12. Foot Rubs and Blow Jobs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does this make up for my lack of updates?

**– Eren -**

Driving was dangerous with how much I was shaking with excitement. Which was strange in on itself. I’ve been around Levi so much I should be completely comfortable around him and yet I couldn’t help but feel elated that he had actually wanted to go out with me. This was more than sex. This meant he was attracted to me on a completely different level then just physical. I was taking him on a date. We were doing something other than rolling around in his bed. I’m not going to lie that was great, but this just seemed so much better.

I pulled up to his house and honked the horn. I would have gone to the door but a friend of his decided to crash the house and he didn’t want me to see the mess. He walked out, and for the first time since I’d known him he wasn’t dressed like some rebellious punk. The black was still there, but in the form of skinny jeans (without holes) and a white tank top and black jacket. He didn’t hesitate to bring me into a kiss when he got into the car. His tongue slipped into my mouth for a moment before he pulled away, giving me a quick peck on the lips before sitting back in his seat. He was picking at the nail polish on his fingernails, and while the movement was subtle I could tell he was just as nervous as me.

“Hurry up, brat,” he commanded, “Before I change my mind.”

I rolled my eyes at him but did as I was told.

When we parked he couldn’t keep his eyes off of the carnival. The slight wideness of his eyes made it look like he was actually interested in something and I found myself holding his hand just so I could prevent him from bumping into anything (not that I minded, I used it to my advantage). I didn’t dare point out his excitement knowing he’d go back too looking neutral and bored if I did so. He didn’t realize what he was doing and I wasn’t about to stop him.

He started pulling me to the Ferris wheel, and when he realized what he was doing he stopped in his tracks and looked alarmed, like it was bad for him to actually want something. And it was then that I realized he never really actively asked for anything other than sex. He never asked for anything that he really wanted. I wasn’t sure what to feel about that. I smiled at him and tugged him forward so we could continue our way there. If he wanted to ride the Ferris wheel, then that’s what we’re going to do.

By the time we were seated his face and gone back to its usual expression and I couldn’t keep the disappointment off of my face.

“What?” he asked, almost seeming bored.

“What happened to the excitement?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” I scratched the back of my neck, “Well you looked like you were actually interested in this place for a while.”

“I’m interested in a lot of things.”

“But I’ve never seen you show it until tonight.”

His eyes narrowed and I could almost see the walls he built up around himself then, strong and tall and completely encasing him, “So?”

“Don’t do that.” _I don’t ever want you to hide from me._

I was almost happy to see the surprise on his face, “What?”

“You’re pushing me out. Don’t do that. I took you here because I like you and I want us to have fun. So please don’t lock me out of your head.” I was blushing, much to my embarrassment. God I sound like an idiot.

It was quiet for a moment, before he shifted so he was sitting next to me instead of across and grabbed my hand, “This is my first time actually going to a carnival.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, so thank you.”

My grin was so big I swear it was about to split my face.

He smirked then, “So, you really do like me for more than my body.”

I covered my face with my free hand to hide my blush while he laughed.

Later that night I remembered how absolutely awful I was at playing carnival games. I kept trying and trying with the balloon darts but every single time I was stuck with getting a small animal. I couldn’t for the life of me win him one of the big ones hanging up above our heads. I was stuck giving him a small stuffed cat as a present after 20 dollars of failed attempts. He smirked at me though, and wacked me on the back of my head calling me stupid for spending so much. But I could tell by the way he clung to it the rest of our time at the carnival he loved it.

“My feet hurt,” he muttered when we got back into my car.

“If you let me stay over I’ll rub them.”

“That is disgustingly unhygienic.”

“Do you want the foot rub or not.”

There was a pause, “Yes.”

He couldn’t keep his hands off me on the ride home. It started out with little touches, his fingers ghosting over my arm or him leaning over to kiss at my neck at a red light. Eventually though he got bold, even going as far as to cup my through my jeans. We almost got in a car wreck with that so he made a point to completely ignore that general area and just keep running his fingertips over my inner thighs. 

He refused to wait until we were in his house before his hands were down my pants and he had me pinned to the front door. I gripped his hips in my hands and gasped, looking down at him while he stared up at me heatedly. He rutted against my leg and his mouth opened slightly and his grip around my cock tightened.

“Levi,” I groaned and threw my head back against the door, “Someone might see. Let’s just get inside.”

He glared at me but pulled me inside anyways, pushing me down on his couch rather roughly before crawling on top of me.

“I had fun tonight,” he told me. He quickly looked away from my eyes to get to work on my pants.

I grinned, lifting my hips to help him pull my pants off, “That’s good.”

And then his mouth was around me, hot and tight and god that tongue. I threw back my head and shouted out, twisting my fingers in his hair and thrusting my hips forward. He moaned at that. Levi looked up at me, swallowing around my length making me curse and a small whine from him made me realize that he was jerking himself off. His hand was making quick and small movements against his own dick as he continued to suck me.

I came with a groan, arching my back, and Levi came a second later. He laid on top of me, his head on my chest as both of us panted. I twisted my hand in his and closed my eyes.

“We need to get into bed, brat.” He said after a while.

“I hope you’re not expecting sex,” I whispered, “I’m exhausted.”

“No way in hell. I haven’t shit yet. And you still haven’t given me that foot rub.”

Oh, Levi.


	13. Bittersweet

**– Levi -**

 

It was knocking on my door that woke us up the next morning. Whoever it was seemed to deem it appropriate to try and bash down my door at eight in the morning. My neighbors don’t talk to me. Hanji just walks in. So the only thing I could think of was that I pissed someone off as some point. Maybe I went off on some customer from the club. But even then how would they find my home? I frowned at that.

Eren groaned and turned on his side and I knew not to try to get him up so he could go check the door. He slept like a rock and was pretty damn unintelligent in the morning. I didn’t need him falling down the stairs. Getting up sounded like an awful idea for me too though. I was still exhausted but one look at the clock told me it was time to get up anyways. 12:30, how long were we out last night?

Fucking brat.

I got out of bed and walked down the stairs to the door. Opening it though I immediately went to close it. One quick look at who it was had my heart beating crazy and the blood pounding in my ears. I closed my eyes tightly and fought to shut the door, but they were blocking it. I felt like I was going to fall to the floor within seconds. I hadn’t felt this weak in a long time. I hadn’t….

_Go away. Why did you have to find me now?_

“Is that how you’re supposed to treat your mother?” Her foot was in the door, and I was shaking too much to try and get it out.

“How did you find me?” Despite my current appearance my voice was still cold and harsh and strong and I was grateful for that.

“It wasn’t that hard. You changed your last name?”

“I didn’t want to be associated with you or dad.”

“Why don’t you let me in? I want to talk.”

_Go away. Please just go away._

“Leave.” I opened the door just wide enough to glare at her and was ashamed to feel shock take over my features.

She looked worse. The drug addiction had started to wear her down. Her bones were frail and jutting out, her skin sagged, her eyes were bloodshot. She looked like something I used to have nightmares about as a child. Her black hair was thin and falling out and it looked like she had been ripping it out in chunks. She looked worse than when I was little, looked like she couldn’t have hit me without crushing her fist if she tried.

_She can’t hurt you like this. You’re safe._

I feel sick.

“Levi?” Eren’s sleeping voice came from the top of the stairs.

“Eren go back to bed!” I didn’t mean to sound so violent, but I didn’t want her seeing him. I didn’t want him to see her. I didn’t want him to see me _like this!_ I turned back to her and fought to get the door closed, “Get the fuck off of my property.”

Her face fell in pretend dismay, “Baby, I need money.”

“You’re not getting it from me.”

“Please, I’m out of home. I just need a place to stay.”

“What you want is money for whatever you’re addicted to right now. I’m not letting you turn my place into the trash heap our home was. Go away before I call the police.”

Her face hardened, “I’m your mother you fag, I fed and raised you. I taught you everything I knew and still you turned out to be a disgrace. The least you can do is show some respect.”

Eren came up behind me then and I stiffened.

_Go away please. Don’t look at her._

I closed my eyes tightly when I felt his hand at my hip, but the gentle stroking of his thumb on my bare skin had me looking up at him.

“I think you need to leave,” I’ve never seen his face so scary.

Apparently mom was too brain dead to see it. She just looked straight at him with cold eyes. The same ones I have. The same eyes I was fucking damned with.

“I need some god damn money, you swine.”

Eren took the initiative then, sticking his foot against hers and shoving it away from the door so I could close it. She shrieked, cursing us and pounding her fists at the door and jiggling the handle. We locked it. We locked every door and window I had in my house. She kept pounding at the front door though. She wouldn’t stop. And then she was hitting her fists against the windows and spewing curses. I couldn’t stop shaking. I had fumbled with the locks for a long time before Eren took the initiative and locked all of them for me. He was calm, eerily so, and it would have scared me if I hadn’t known he was safe. This was Eren. Eren was okay. He was safe and warm and he was going to help me because I couldn’t help myself right now.

Eren took my hand and started pulling me. I couldn’t see where we were going, my headache and the tears in my eyes making it almost impossible to see straight. I stumbled after him, but he didn’t pick me up. I swatted him every time he tried because god damn it I needed to do _something_ myself. I wasn’t that weak. I wasn’t that pathetic.

When we reached my room he closed the door behind us and locked it. He just stayed there, he didn’t move, and I could feel the anger radiating off of him. I just stood there with my arms wrapped around myself feeling absolutely sick. I wanted to ask him what was going through his head. I wanted to cling to him and cry. I didn’t though. I just stood there cursing myself for being so pathetic.

I didn’t know what he had planned, but suddenly he spun around and grabbed my hand gently. He pulled me into bed, dragging the covers over our bodies and wrapping himself tightly around me. His warmth surrounded me and I found myself being able to breathe again. I inhaled his scent, not recognizing his cologne but reveling in it. I pressed my forehead against his chest and clung to him. I didn’t cry though. I didn’t want to make myself out to be even more fragile than I had already.

Eren started singing then, and I realized then that he was just as stressed as me, if not more. He was doing this for both of us, hoping to calm himself down and to relax me. I recognized the song from something he played in his car on the way to the carnival.

 

 _“The depth of my soul in the depth of your voice_  
With words I've tried to find since I have been alive  
This whole world stopped when you spoke”

 

His voice was smooth, and I found myself wondering why he wasn’t the one singing in the band. And then I found myself feeling better knowing that I was probably one of the few who have heard him sing at all. I liked that better I decided.

 

_“Your grieving stabs me, I've lost you too  
Just hearing your love is never enough”_

And, little by little, I relaxed. I closed my eyes, and it felt as if I were swaying with his words.

 

 _“Bittersweet embrace_  
Fit or run in place  
Don't leave me so thirsty  
Or else hush this hurry  
Weight on me  
Weighs more than me  
So wait with me and we'll stop crying”

I’m not sure when exactly I fell asleep, I just know that I did content and safe. It was a feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time.

 

 

 

Eren was waiting for an explanation. I could see it on his face. He didn’t bring it up until I made him stay for dinner that night. I didn’t tell him it was because I didn’t want to be alone but I think he knew. I was terrified that my mom would come back and he wouldn’t be here. It was when we were washing the dishes that he brought it up.

“So,” he paused and I stiffened, “That’s your mom?”

“It’s none of your business, brat.”

“It is if I’m going to date you,” he flushed red then and scrubbed furiously at his plate.

I stared at him. Dating. Was I stable enough to do that? I didn’t deny it though, only shook my head.

“You know about my mom,” he said softly, “So why can’t I know about yours?”

“Eren-.”

“I mean it’s only fair-.”

“You really are a brat, aren’t you?”

Shame filled his eyes and he looked away from me, “Sorry. I pushed too hard.”

I sighed and grabbed a towel, trying off my hands before leaning against the sink. I stayed like that for a while

“My mom’s a drug addict, but I think you can already tell,” he stopped washing his plate, looking at me shocked for actually telling him about her. My glare quickly sent him back to scrubbing. The dishes were never going to be finished at this pace. “My dad got her pregnant, and then he abandoned us when I was two. She was already on drugs then. I’m a drug baby. That’s why I’m so small and possibly so fucked up.”

He interrupted me then, “I don’t think you’re fucked up.”

I raised an eyebrow at Eren and scowled. He looked away sheepishly and I continued, “We lived in a bad neighborhood so it wasn’t hard for her to find them. She was abusive and crazy. I finally got tired of it and I left home when I turned sixteen.”

He didn’t look up from the plate, “Where did you go?”

“I found my dad, his girlfriend made him take me in. He kicked me out later though when he found me and his coworker’s son, Erwin, in my bed. He’s dead now though, so it’s okay. He didn’t have a will and as his only surviving heir I got his money. So I sold the house and bought this place.”

I paused then, “I’m on medication. It’s for depression and anxiety, which I won’t deny myself having. I’m diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder. At least that’s the bullshit they fed me. Apparently being cold, indifferent, and uninterested is a disorder. I just thought it was my personality. I didn’t argue though. They wouldn’t have listened anyways. So if you don’t want to continue what we’re doing right now, then you don’t have to. I’ll understand.”

Eren pursed his lips, “I still like you a lot. I can deal with you having a few mental illnesses. I mean, my sister’s bipolar, and I was on anti-depressants for years after my mom died. So I can understand it a little I mean.”

I stood there trying not to let the shock show on my face. I wasn’t expecting that sort of reaction from him. Most people when they found out either accused me of faking it for attention, or cut off contact immediately. It was something I had grown used to.

But this fucking brat….

“I’m really sorry though,” Eren apologized, “I shouldn’t have pried.”

“No,” I grabbed his chin, tilting his head down so he would have to look at me, “You’re right. If we’re going to date then you deserve to know.”

You could have choked on the happiness he radiated right then, and there was no going back now. I was in too deep. I liked him too much.

And to be honest I don’t think I would have tried to back out of this anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is Bittersweet by Flyleaf btw


	14. Notice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why I haven't been updating

Idk if any of you follow me on tumblr you probably already know this, but I have terrible terrible depression. I haven't been able to write let alone get out of bed at all lately which is why there's been a rather sad lack of updates. I'm really sorry about that, I've gotten quite a few messages on when I'll be updating. I am trying but I need to put my mental health and my school grades above my stories because I have a responsibility to myself to make sure that what I put out is good. I may post a few shorts here and there but I'm so so so sorry to those of you who follow my multi chapter fics, I can not keep writing them right now. As soon as I can get my life back on track I'll start updating those again.

I'm really sorry.

My tumblr is Neadevar.tumblr.com in you want to drop by I guess


	15. Booty Shorts and Comfort Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there's no booty shorts, Jeans lucky he didn't get his ass kicked, and Levi gets sad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to finish a chapter -claps for myself-

**-Eren-**

Officially dating. We were officially dating. My chest swelled up every time I thought about it and Mikasa was starting to get tired of my shit.

Dating entailed boyfriends, I asked him about that a few moments after that. He just scoffed, “I figured it was the same thing,” and I found myself blushing all the way home in embarrassment.

And I was feeling fucking sappy since then. I was warm and fuzzy and it was god damn ridiculous! How dare he make me feel this way. Who gave him the right? I messed furiously with my hair, still feeling his fingers in it when we kissed and said goodbye yesterday. Damn it, Eren. Have some self-control. Stop being so giddy. So you have a boyfriend now, so what?!

Boyfriend…. Fuck yes.

Mikasa hit the back of my head effectively snapping me out of my revere, “Get out of your pajamas. We have a gig tonight in like two hours, so you need to get up and get ready so we can get there early. Hanji will have my head if we’re late.”

“No need to hit me,” I scowled and rubbed the back of my head. God damn Lesbian with her god damn-.

She shoved me into my room and I landed unceremoniously on top of my bed. Mikasa didn’t even spare me a glass and instead turned to my dresser, rummaging through my drawers before tossing a shirt and a pair of shorts at me. I held those up to my face, utterly and completely humiliated. My face turned a shade of red I forgot it was capable of and I nearly sputtered.

“I thought I told you to throw these out!”

She just stared at me with a hand on her hip, “Of course not, you’ll wear them for someone someday. So why not tonight? You’re boyfriends going to be there right?”

I blushed to the tip of my ears and tossed the booty shorts at her face. She caught them before they hit her and I found myself pissed in the most childish way. “You’re ridiculous.”

“It was Jean’s idea.”

“I’m going to kill him.”

“After the gig, Eren, wait until after the gig.”

**  
  
  
**

I was surprised to say the least when Levi actually sat down next to me, in front of my friends, and slumped against me. He had hardly spared me a glance this whole night, only offering me a quick kiss when I went up to him to get a couple drinks. I knew what had happened with his mom still had him shaken up. When I had called him the other day he barely talked, and I had found myself wondering if maybe he regretted agreeing to the whole dating thing. He had called me an idiot when I brought it up.

His fingers intertwined with my own and he buried his head into my shoulder. That alone surprised me, he was hardly affectionate even with me. I looked down at him curiously, then back at my friends. Everyone looked on with surprise, but I opted to ignore them and leaned down to Levi’s ear and whisper, “Are you okay?”

“Someone puked in the bathroom… again.”

I laughed then, that explains it. “Who’s cleaning it up?”

“Mike, I’ll be in there later to clean it again because he’s shit at cleaning.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shook his head, straightening up and looking at the rest of the band, “Who’s your friends?”

I smiled, “Horse face over there is Jean,” said horse tossed a fry at me with a scowl, “Freckles is Marco, he’s currently doing Jean,” freckles proceeded to blush and cover his face, “The blondie is Armin, he’s my best friend.” Armin smiled at him, nodding his head. “And the girl to my right is my sister, Mikasa.” Her gaze was calculating. She was judging him. I could see it in her eyes. After a moment though she gave a stiff nod. “Guys, this is Levi-.”

“His boyfriend,” Levi nodded, interrupting me. He stole one of my fries and popped it into his mouth, “I can’t stay long, I just wanted to meet everyone. I need to get back to work here soon before Erwin or Hanji gets on my ass.”

I wrapped an arm around him and he leaned into my side. He was shaking. I looked down at him strangely but he just shook his head. That was an excuse. We both knew it, he got off around this time every night.

He’s scared, of what I wasn’t sure. Maybe it was meeting my friends, though I really doubted that. I tightened my grip on him.

I looked at my friends, “We’re going to go dance, okay?”

Mikasa waved us off and Jean whistled, and Levi and I moved from the booth and out into the crowd.

I took his hips into my hands, swaying us to the beat and leaning down so I could press my face into his neck. “Thanks for meeting them.” I wasn’t even sure he could hear me.

Levi kissed the side of my head though and I knew he did. He was still shaking but it wasn’t as bad. Still though, I pulled him tight against me and held him to my chest. A few people looked at us curious as to what was happening but I chose to ignore them.

“Did you drink tonight?” Levi asked.

“I only had a beer,” I told him, running my fingers over his hips.

“Drive us to your house will you?”

I raised an eyebrow, watching as he stood up on his tiptoes and whispered in my ear, “I need you.”

That was all it took to get me to drag him out of the club.

 

 

Sex was something Levi took comfort out of, but I didn’t realize it until that night. He made us go fast, lowering himself on my cock before he was ready, but he refused to stop. I knew there was something wrong. That feeling had been building in my chest since he had started shaking in the booth. Levi was the kind of person who would talk about it on his own accord though. If I asked he would only deny it. So I kept my mouth shut and my hands on his hips and only spoke when it was to say something in encouragement.

He was underneath me, clinging to me and scratching at my back, when he started to cry.

I stopped moving immediately, cupping his face in my hands in a panic, “What’s wrong? Am I being too rough? Levi?”

“Eren if you don’t keep fucking me I’m kicking you out of my house,” he hissed, and buried his face in my next.

So I continued thrusting, his sobbing against my neck and begging me to go faster and harder until I thought for sure I might shatter him. He came with a whimper, and I followed soon after, and unlike the other times where he usually went straight to the shower to wash off he wrapped himself around me and kept crying.

I didn’t know what to do.

Levi refused to respond to anything I said, so instead I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him tighter to me, signing in his ear. His crying reduced to soft sniffles.

“Baby, talk to me,” I pleaded, running my hand up and down his back.

“Mom’s dead,” he whispered hoarsely. “Overdose. The police found her on the street. I should have let her stay here. I should have given her some money for rent.”

I couldn’t say I understood. He was terrified of her. I thought he hated her.

“I know you think I’m crazy. I must be. After the hell she put me through. But she was my mom. She used to feed me and care for me before she got bad.”

He didn’t talk after that, and the only thing I could do was assure him I didn’t think he was crazy, not at all.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -pops out a short chapter because i still feel bad for not updating a lot-

**-Levi-**

 

“Eren I swear to god if you pick the lobster I’m kicking you out of this restaurant.”

“But it looks so good!”

“Don’t you dare.”

“Levi!”

“No, shitty brat.”

“Fine,” Eren mumbled, then cracked a grin laughing as my eyes narrowed, “I don’t even like sea food calm yourself.”

“I refuse to let you eat eat something with an exoskeleton.” I grabbed his hand from across the table and rolled my eyes. He squeezed my hand back with that shitty smile of his.

“You’re weird.”

I smirked and shook my head, putting down my menu and looking back up to the waiter, “I’ll take the Pesto dish and a ceaser salad for the side.”

Eren momentarily stopped chewing on the end of his fork to look up at the waiter, “Um, Steak, medium well, and… fries.”

I rolled my eyes, “Fries don’t go with steak.”

“Says who?!”

“Says me, shit for brains.”

I looked back at the waiter, “Can we get a bottle of your best wine?”

He looked between me and Eren, “For both of you?”

I raised an eyebrow, “Yes.”

“I’ll need to see your ID’s then.”

The food came half an hour later, and if I were a shitty person I would have complained. Before Eren I probably would have. But he was here and he was grinning like an idiot and I couldn’t even bring myself to be mad. Three months of dating had seriously changed me. It was like my head was quiet. Instead of focusing on cleaning I could focus on him. Instead of panicking when my anxiety got the best of me I could go to Eren and he could calm me down. My weeks and days stopped blurring together and I found the strength to pick myself up after my mothers death. I stopped visiting her grave. I stopped believing I might follow in her footsteps.

“You make me a better person,” I mumbled.

Eren looked up at me, cheeks stuffed with food, “What?”

“Nothing,” I took a sip from my wine and leaned forward, “You having fun?”

“On my date with you? Naw.”

“Brat.”

“Asshole.”

“Eren,” I rolled my eyes, “Can I ask you a question?”

He wiped at his mouth, “Yeah, sure! Anything.”

“Is this a serious relationship,” I asked.

He tilted his head, “I thought that’s why we became boyfriends in the first place, because we wanted to be serious about this.”

“I want you to move in with me, I just needed to make sure we were on the same page.”

He choked on his wine, sputtering and coughing and pounding at his chest, “W-what?”

“I want you to move in with me. We’ve been dating for two months, I like having you around. Besides you practically live at my place anyways.”

“I,” he blushed, “Um, sure. Yeah. Okay.”

His phone rang then, and he pulled it out of his pocket. He stared at the screen for a moment and his eyebrows furrowed. “Um, sorry. Can you excuse me for a moment?”

I shrugged and waved him off, content for the moment because of the answer he gave me. He shuffled off to the bathroom. Maybe I should worry about who was calling him, but Eren was terrible about keeping his mouth shut and he’d tell me when he got back. I swirled the wine in my cup around.

When Eren came back he was pale. I eyed him carefully starting to worry and waiting for him to tell me what happened.

“That was Annie,” he said. He picked up a fry and chewed on the end.

I raised an eyebrow, “Your ex?”

He nodded, “She needed to talk to me. In person.”

“What for?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “She wouldn’t say. Only that it was important and we needed to meet face to face. I’m going to see her at the coffee shop near your bar next saturday.”

I frowned, “Seems a little sketchy. Do you want me to go with you?”

“Yes,” he paused. “No, I don’t know. You probably shouldn’t. She hasn’t talked to me since we broke up so its probably best if it was just us two.”

I nodded, “I’m dropping you off though. And picking you up. Just tell me when, okay?”

Eren stood up a little straighter, putting a smile of his face, “Okay, for now, we eat!”

I snorted.

 


	17. Daddy Dearest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My only motivation is wanting to end the story idk man

 – Eren -

I was nervous, but I guess that would be normal. I mean this was my ex. She was sitting across from me, her cup of iced tea in her hand as she spun her straw around in it. Ice tea was her addiction, I could remember that. She always got it when we had gone on dates. Extra lemon too. I also knew her well enough and remembered enough from our time together to tell when she was hiding something, and she was hiding something big. I shuffled in my seat nervously.

“You can’t get mad at me,” she said, finally breaking the silence, “At all. This is partially your fault.”

Oh god, what did I do? “What happened?”

“Its not what happened, its whats happening and what’s going to happen, Eren. I’m sorry, this is fucked, and I wouldn’t have come to you unless I had another choice.” She looked genuinely sorry, staring down at her tea as she chewed on her lip. That’s when I realized that she was scared too, and that alone freaked me out. Annie was never scared of anything.

“Annie, please, you’re scaring me.

“I’m pregnant.”

Shock. All I could do was stare at her, trying to process what she said. I didn’t even want to try. I was waiting for her to start laughing, to tell me that she was joking, and get on to what she was actually going to tell me. But she never did. She sat there and stared at me watching my carefully, like I might explode at any time.

When Annie realized I wasn’t, couldn’t, say anything, she spoke up.“It’s a girl. Seven months along, I’m getting big. I didn’t want you to find out though, so I got here early so I wouldn’t have to walk up to you, you know?” She took a deep breath, scooting her chair back and standing up. She turned to the side and pulled her baggy shirt tight over her stomach. I could see it, the bump.  She had a bump. She had a fucking bump. She sat back down with a grimace.

“It’s mine,” I whispered. It wasn’t a question, but I was hoping she’d deny it. That she’d shake her head and smile at me and tell me it was her friend Reiner’s, or even Bert’s.

She didn’t.

“Yeah, it is. I haven’t had sex since we broke up.”

“Fuck…” I whispered, I stared at my coffee. “Fuck!”

“Eren?”

“Fuck!”

“Eren, listen to me!”

I looked back up to Annie in a panic, my eyes wide and my fingers had a death grip on my coffee cup.

“I need money, not a lot, but enough to keep up with the medical bills and everything. I was hoping you could help me. You don’t have to if you don’t, but Reiner and Bert can only help so much and it’s not enough. I don’t plan on keeping the baby. I’m not expecting you to take it. I plan on putting it up for adoption. I just need a little help.”

It took me a while to find my voice, “Yeah… Yeah, okay.” The band was getting a steady stream of money. Maybe Levi would even help me. I could get another job besides the band. Maybe two if I needed more. I could help her though, I had to help her.

She looked at her phone, “I have a doctors appointment, another ultra sound. Do you want to come?” She asked it rather hesitantly though, like she was still waiting for my body to burst.

“Yeah,” I breathed. “I’ll go.”

**  
  
  
**

She was beautiful. The baby that is. She was so fucking beautiful. I watched her kick a little, almost didn’t hear Annie’s small grunt of discomfort at that, before she settled down. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her though. That was my kid. That was my baby. That was the big secret that Annie had kept from me. The pregnancy scare that broke us up? It wasn’t a scare after all. It was at that point I made my decision.

I helped pay for the doctor’s visit.

Levi met me and Annie outside the hospital, and when he saw me he walked up to me quickly checking me over in almost a panic, “Mind telling me why the fuck you were in the hospital.”

“Annie’s pregnant.”

He stood shocked, looking at me like I had grown a second head, and turned to Annie, “You’re the ex.”

She just nodded.

“How far along?”

“Seven months,” I answered for her.

He breathed out in relief, “Okay, okay, that was before we were together.”

“I wouldn’t cheat on you.”

“I know… I know. Fuck, I know. Okay. Annie, do you need a ride?”

“My friend’s going to pick me up,” she told him.

“Alright, come on brat, into the car.”

I climbed into the car. It took me a moment, but I was finally able to spit out what I told Annie back in the hospital room. “I want to keep it.”

Levi slammed on the breaks in shock, the driver behind us knocking angrily and swerving around us to avoid hitting us. I clutched at my seat and let out a small shriek, turning to Levi when he got control of the car.

“Levi?! Jesus Christ, you could have killed us!”

“You’re not keeping the baby.” There was no emotion, no tone, when he said that.

“What?”

“You won’t make a good dad. I won’t make a good dad. You can’t keep her.”

“I would too! I’ll be a great dad! Levi, you should have seen her! She’s so beautiful, I want her. I want to raise her, with you if you want to.”

“What do you mean if I want to?”

“I…,” I paused, chewing at my lip nervously before I looked down at my lap. I don’t know.”

“I’m not raising a fucking kid, Eren.”

“I’m not letting her go into the adoption agency Levi. It’s fucking shitty! I’m not going to let her be passed around from home to home.”

“Well, that’s too fucking bad! We’re not raising a child.”

“Pull over.” I demanded.

“What?”

I scowled at him, “Pull over, I’m walking home.”

“Like hell you are!”

“I’m keeping this kid.”

“No, Eren. No!”

“Levi, please!”

“No. That’s it. No. I’m putting my fucking foot down, we’re not raising a kid together.”

“That’s not your fucking decision!” I roared, slamming my hands down on the dashboard. “If you won’t raise her with me I’ll raise her myself!”

“Eren, what are you saying.” Levi looked at me shocked, almost worried, but I was too angry to care.

“Take me home, Levi.”

“That’s where we’re going.”

“No, I mean take me back to mine and Mikasa’s apartment.”

It was then I saw his heart break.

**  
  
  
**

I ignored Levi begging me to talk about this when he dropped me off, ignored Mikasa asking me was happened when I ran into the apartment. I went straight to my room and sat on my bed and put my face in my hands.

I wasn’t going to let my kid get put into foster care. I wasn’t about to let Levi dictate what I could and could not do with this. This was bigger than him, this was bigger than me. It wasn’t just me wanting to raise her. It was my own experience with foster care. It was my own knowledge of the abandonment Mikasa and I faced when we kept bouncing from house to house and even our own relatives until Armin’s grandfather took us in. I couldn’t put my own baby through that when I could take care of her myself.

If Levi wasn’t going to help me, I was going to do it myself.

 


	18. Wrecked

**-Levi-**

My head was a wreck. Everything was spinning wildly around me, everything was out of my control. I thought I had myself fixed, all the times I told myself not to fall down and here I was completely and utterly broken. All because Eren was gone. I had placed too much dependence on him without even realizing it and now I had no idea what on earth I was supposed to do now. The itching in my skin that had me digging out the liquor from the cabinet.

I drank the vodka from the bottle, not bothering to get a glass. There wasn’t any point. I fucked up. I fucked everything up, but I guess it was only a matter of time given that I’m fucked up too. I fell onto my couch with a sigh and leaned my head back against the back.

Petra found me later, a complete and utter mess. I couldn’t stop crying and shaking and gasping for air and she help me as I panicked. She held me when I hyperventilated into her shoulder and rubbed my back when I felt as if I were going to pass out. I usually needed my space during attacks, but the thought of being alone scared me more.

She put me to bed later, tucking me in and crawling in beside me. I fell asleep to her running her hands through my hair.

**  
  
  
**

Petra brought up what happened when I woke up, so I told her what I could. At this point I couldn’t even muster up the strength to cry.

“He wants to keep the fucking kid,” I muttered, “so I told him no, and he left.”

She smacked the back of my head, scowling, leaving me staring at her in shock completely bewildered. “You’re an idiot. You love him don’t you?”

“Yeah.” I raised an eyebrow, preparing for another assault.

“Then raise that child with him.”

I shook my head sharply. “You don’t understand, I’m not a good father. I’m not about to fuck up some kid.”

“You do well with your god child.”

“He’s different,” I tried.

“Not really. Go apologize to Eren, tell him you’ll help him raise the baby.”

“Petra, I don’t think you understand!” I slammed my hand on the table, making her jump. “I’m not mentally sound! I’m sick, Petra. My head isn’t okay. I have an obsession with cleanliness that makes it hard to function and an anxiety disorder that has me rarely leaving the house. I’m not fit to raise a child.”

“Do you think I am?” Petra asked looking away from me. “Do you think Aurou was? Is anyone really fit to raise a child? Levi, no one knows exactly what to do. Know one knows what’s going to happen. With all your problems, Levi, you could raise a child far better than someone who’s never faced adversity. You won’t fuck up. I’ll be here to help.”

I took a shaky breath and put my head into my hands. “I just… I don’t know what to do.”

“Tell him you’re sorry.” She pulled one of my hands away and held onto it. “Tell him you’ll do your best. If you love him then don’t let him get away from you so easily.”

**  
  
  
**

It took me a solid fifteen minutes to gather up the courage to knock on the door.Mikasa opened it, only to try and slam it shut. I stuck my foot in to keep it from closing.

“I need to talk to Eren.” I was surprised at how level my voice was despite all the turmoil inside of me.

“My brother doesn’t want to talk to you.” Mikasa looked positively murderous. I wouldn’t have blamed her if she decided to get rid of me then and there. I hurt her brother and her best friend. Why she hadn’t come after me sooner is surprising.

“I came to apologize.” I told her.

Her eyes narrowed at me. “Leave.”

Eren’s voice called out, “Mikasa? Who’s at the door.”

“No one important.” she called back. She kicked at my foot trying to dislodge it so she could close the door before Eren could see me.

I was ready to fall to my knees and grovel. “Mikasa, please. Just let me talk to him.”

“Levi?” Mikasa scowled, looking over her shoulder. She moved away and Eren took her place, opening the door to look down at me clearly.

He was a mess, and that instantly made me feel one hundred times worse. His eyes were swollen from crying and he looked like he was on the verge of breaking down away. His hair was a wreck, sticking up in odd directions like he hadn’t bothered with even running his fingers through it.

I stared at him a moment before taking a deep breath, “I’m sorry.”

He looked at me for a moment and then opened the door further. “Come in.”

I followed him into their small apartment, a cozy place with pictures and posters cluttering the walls and plants in the corner. I went with him into his room and he sat on a messy bed. Clothes that still needed to be put away were sitting on a chair and a laptop hung out on his dresser. There were jackets and blankets strewn wherever they could hang from and band posters covering the wall. It was so Eren it made my stomach flutter.

Eren stared at me a moment, “So?”

I swallowed hard. “I don’t want to lose you. If that means raising a kid with you then so be it. I can do that. I think I can do that at least. I don’t know how good of a dad I’ll be or how I’m going to deal with diapers and fits and spit-up and-.”

Eren had stood up but I hadn’t realized what he was going to do until his lips were on mine, kissing me gently. He pulled away and put his forehead against mine. “It’s okay, Levi. We’ll figure this out together.”

I fisted my hands into his shirt, “I’m so, so sorry.”

“I forgive you. I’m sorry for springing that onto you like that.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” I told him.

“Regardless, I’m sorry, Levi.” He wrapped his arms around me tightly.

I breath shook as I tried to get myself under control. I had a hard time believing that things would work out, but Eren had enough hope for the both of us **.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate dragging out angst for too long Idk  
> I'm hoping to start actually updating more frequently now. We got my medication under control and with school ending I'll have more freetime!  
> Also I started up a wattpad to post my original works so if you want to check that out heres the link  
> http://www.wattpad.com/user/neadevar


	19. I Will Not Fall

**\- Eren -**

It was during our next band gig that I realized I couldn’t do this and support a family. I couldn’t put my heart into my music. I could play it right, for sure, but the spark that was there when we first started the band was gone. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to be home with Levi. I wanted to put my hands on Annie’s stomach to feel my child kicking. The typical american dream had never appealed to me before, but here I was longing for it.

So I made a decision.

“What? You can’t leave the band!” Jean was furious, but I knew he would be. “We need you!”

“So does my kid,” I told him. I looked at everyone, Marco, Armin, Jean, Mikasa. This was one of the toughest decisions of my life. This was my dream right in front of my and I was giving it up. It felt right though. I had to do it.

Jean scoffed. “You don’t have to keep it.”

Marco slapped a hand over his mouth, “Jean, shut up.” He looked at me and forced a smile. “Eren, if you feel this is best then you should do it.”

“Gotta say I’ll miss you being in the band with us.” Armin told me. He leaned his head on my shoulder and sighed. “But I get it.”

When I came home to Levi I knew I had made the right choice. Annie was on our couch, Levi has his hands on her stomach, and his eyes were gleaming. I stood in the doorway to the living room just watching them. My whole chest felt warm and I felt like for once things were going my way. Things were actually right.

“The baby’s kicking,” Annie told me softly when she noticed me.

“I can feel her, Eren.” Levi said looking up at me. “I just started talking and Annie said she started moving.”

“It’s like when I get in the bath,” Annie told me. “She gets excited then too. She kicked when Levi went on about some new duster he got.”

I laughed, “Oh yeah? Can I feel?”

Annie motioned me over. I put my hands over her bare stomach, feeling my child nudge the palm of my hand. I grinned, looking over to Levi. He smiled back and me and ruffled my hair.

Leaving the band I could deal with, losing this? Not a chance.

**  
  
  
**

“Shit, Annie push a little harder. I can see her head!”

“Reiner get your head away from my fucking vagina!” Annie let out another grunt, tapering off into a scream. I gripped her hand tighter feeling myself grow faint. Levi was right behind me massaging my shoulders trying to keep me grounded. Reiner continued hovering over the doctor. I stayed where I was. I had seen it enough and I wanted to keep it as pretty as it was the last time I saw it, not with a head poking out of it.

Oh my god, I’m going to pass out.

“You’re almost there, Ms Leonhardt,” the doctor encouraged.

“You can do it,” Bertoldt said softly. He was holding her other hand.

“Damn it, Eren!” Annie screamed again. “This is your fault.”

“I think I’m going to puke,” I said to no one in particular.

Levi’s hands left my shoulders only to push a bin into my arms. “Come on brat, keep it together.”

The sound of a baby crying had me jerking my head up, watching as the doctor set her down on the table close by. He waved a pair of scissors at me. “Want to cut the cord?”

I stared at my kid, all covered and afterbirth and wailing. “I’m going to pass out.” I muttered, putting my head on the bed. “Reiner?”

“On it!”

I didn’t get to hold my baby until later. Annie refused to look at her, signing the papers to give her parental rights away and ushering the doctor out. I stayed with her, holding her hand. She was upset. I knew her well enough to be able to tell. Even if she could hide it from everyone else she was never able to hide anything from me.

“You can see her, if you want.” I told her. “You don’t have to leave her completely.”

“It’ll be best,” she told me. “I have Reiner and Bertholdt, they’ll take care of me. Right now you need to go take care of her.”

I brushed her hair away from her forehead, looking over her carefully. I wanted to talk to her more, even try to convince her to stay in the baby’s life, but Annie had made her decision and I knew she wasn’t going to change her mind.

I walked out to the nursery, sitting beside Levi on the bed. He had gotten to our baby before I could, rocking her gently and cooing.

“She’s beautiful.” He told me never taking her eyes off of her.

“I know.”

“I hope she has your eyes,” he told me. “Babies are shitty like that. They all look alike. I think she’ll have your eyes though. They’re big enough to be.”

“All baby eyes are big,” I laughed. “What are we going to name her.”

He paused for a moment, “What’s your mothers name?”

“Um, Carla.”

“We’ll call her that, then.”

“Wait, are you sure?”

“Never been more sure in my life.” He looked up at me. “Do you want to hold her?”

I nodded and he put her in my arms. She stared up at me, eyes wide and mouth open making sounds. She babbled at me a little, wiggling in the blanket.

“She’s beautiful,” I whispered.

“Are you crying, brat?”

“No,” I muttered, using my free arm to wipe at my face.

Levi wrapped an arm around my waist. “It’s okay. I cried a little too.”

I laughed wetly. “Ready for the joys of fatherhood?”

He grimaced, “I’m not changing the diapers.”

“Its okay,” I smiled at him. “I can take care of that.”

All the times I thought I should just give up, should have just died, the times I thought that there was nothing I could do and that I should just let myself fall, it all seemed stupid now. Looking at my baby’s face, watching her stare up at me with those big eyes, my own pain and suffering seemed pointless. Finding out my mother had died, what she had gone through before she was killed, that destroyed me. Being abandoned by my father, that ruined a part of me. Having Carla in my arms though, it made all of it fade into the background.

I will not fall. I can’t. Not anymore.

For once in my life, that actually seemed possible.

_The End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hate that I ended this story upset with how I'd written it, but hey what can you do. I finished it at least even though I wanted to scrap the whole thing so yay for that I guess!  
> Hope you guys enjoyed it anyways <3  
> My tumblr is Neadevar if you guys ever want to stop by.


	20. Please Read

I've been thinking of going back through this work and revising it, editing it and adding things I originally planned for it but took out when I got frustrated with this story. I was just curious about how many would read it if I did. I know a lot of people really loved this work and I hate that I rushed the ending so much, I feel like I kind of cheated you guys. Just leave a comment telling me what you think. If there's any plot holes you may have spotted while reading it feel free to let me know too, that would help me a lot. 


End file.
